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Ultimate Happenings: Issue 50 - June 4 1998

OCUA Web site: http://www.cyberus.ca/ocua/

"The more you complain, the longer god lets you live."

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CONTENTS:
- The Ultimate Pub Crawl '98
- The 7th Annual Ultimate Beach Tournament
- Disc in Manitoba
- Players Looking For Teams
- Name Change
- Lost
- A Funny Letter

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THE ULTIMATE PUB CRAWL '98:

Come join our annual Pub/Fun Crawl in the Market.

Friday, June 26th @ 5:30 pm.
Registration deadline is June 12th.

Top 3 teams win prizes based on theme interpretation and
skill testing questions.

You need 12-15 players per team and the cost is only $60.

for information contact:

Claude Vallee
 e: valleec@stentor.ca

Steve Ott
 e: otts@stentor.ca

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THE 7TH ANNUAL ULTIMATE BEACH TOURNAMENT:

Britannia Beach - Saturday, July 25th 1998

All levels of teams are invited to spend a day on the beach
playing Ultimate.

New in `98 - Party to follow!

Experienced and Recreational divisions

5 on 5 on the Sand! (co-ed / max 3 same sex)

Register your team NOW - Space is quite limited
(it's a small beach!)

$75 per team includes food & drink for all

For info or registration contact :
Glenda Smith (Fulton)
 w: 660-3980
 h: 737-3476
 e: smithgj@stentor.ca

Steve Ott
 w: 660-3687
 h: 747-0123
 e: otts@stentor.ca

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DISC IN MANITOBA:

Hi!

I was wondering if anyone out there knows anything about
Ultimate in Winnipeg. I'm moving out there in a few weeks
and would really like to play in an upper C co-ed league.
You can email me at natbrewer5@hotmail.com or give me a call
at work (957-1355).

Thanks!
Natalie

--------------

I have found the following info on the net.
If anyone has any more info please let Natalie know.

Website: http://www.mods.mb.ca/

Contacts:
 President
 Randall Swartz
 e: swartzr@aecl.ca

 Vice President
 Tommy Vorst
 e: tvorst@cc.unmanitoba.ca

 League Coordinator
 Monica Gimas
 e: umgimasm@cc.umanitoba.ca

 OR

 Jen Stark
 e: umstarkj@cc.umanitoba.ca
    
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PLAYERS LOOKING FOR TEAMS:

I realise this is late, but are there are any openings for
new players? I've played a few times. I'm not very good, but
I'm in reasonable shape (I play soccer).

So, whadyathink?

Thanks
John Walsh
e: JWalsh@NRCan.gc.ca

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I'm new to Ultimate, and I'm looking to join a team that
needs women players. Can you help me out? I'd probably fit
best in a 4/3 team, recreational. While I haven't played yet,
I do know the rules, and I'm involved in several other team
sports (volleyball and basketball), so I'm athletic enough
(Thai kickboxing, also!) and catch on quickly.

Best nights are Mondays, possibly Tuesdays and Wednesdays.
Please let me know - I'm eager to start!

Julia 
[
  last name and contact info removed per request
  (Tue, 02 Dec 2003 17:47:49 -0500 dmo)
]

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NAME CHANGE:

Just letting everyone know that Glenda Fulton should now be
addressed as Glenda Smith.

Her new e-mail address is smithgj@stentor.ca

(Congratulations Glenda)

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LOST:

Lost: A set of keys at the sod farm Wednesday, May 27.

Key chain is a Chinese symbol. If found, please contact
Greg at 234-0989 or .

Thank you!

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A FUNNY LETTER:

(Thanks to Cliff Youdale for passing this on to me!)

The story behind the letter below is that there is this
nutball in Newport, RI named Scott Williams who digs things
out of his backyard and sends the stuff he finds to the
Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names,
insisting that they are actual archaeological finds.

This guy really exists and does this in his spare time!

Anyway...here's the actual response from the Smithsonian
Institution. We should all bear this in mind next time we
think we are challenged in our duty to respond to a difficult
situation in writing.

____________________________________________________________

Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078

Dear Mr. Williams:

 Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute,
labeled "93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post...
Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and
detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we
disagree with your theory that it represents conclusive proof
of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million
years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have found is the
head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff,
who has small children, believes to be "Malibu Barbie." It is
evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the
analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that
those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the
field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings.
However, we do feel that there are a number of physical
attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off
to its modern origin:
 1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains
 are typically fossilized bone.
 2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9
 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the
 earliest identified proto-homonids.
 3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more
 consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with
 the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed
 the wetlands during that time.

This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing
hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this
institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily
against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say
that:
 A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a
 dog has chewed on.
 B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny
your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is
partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its
normal operation, and partly due to carbon-dating's notorious
inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best
of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956
AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate
results.

Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the
National Science Foundation Phylogeny Department with the
concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name
Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one,
fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed
taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species
name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound
like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this
fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly
not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another
riveting example of the great body of work you seem to
accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our
Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for
the display of the specimens you have previously submitted
and our staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon
next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your
Newport back yard.

We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that
you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are
pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly
interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding
the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous metal in a
structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile
Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the
deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman
automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,
Harvey Rowe
Chief Curator-Antiquities

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Ultimate Happenings is a e-mail newsletter for the
Ottawa-Carleton Ultimate Association.

It is issued every so often when there is enough
content.

If you want to subscribe send an e-mail to
mharley@achilles.net with the subject
"Subscribe Ultimate Happenings".
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