2016/17 Parity League Session 1 Finals Breakdown

Tonight’s game may not top yesterday’s big game but will likely have some exciting moments. In anticipation of tonight’s Parity league’s session 1 finals, I’ve broken down each team by salary bands/roles and provided my 2 cents on how they measure up.

F Bombs, is led by their HOF veteran superstar, Chris ($1.81M), don’t call me Brady, Sullivan against SOS who is led by their talented young handler Sina ($1.78), who I guess is Matty ice in this analogy, Dee. Sina will need to play the game of his life to match Chris in this contest who has been deflating egos in indoor leagues for over a decade with his bag of veteran tricks and secret athleticism (he hides it under the hair).

Top Player/Handler: Advantage F Bombs

The next highest salaries are SOS’ Ben Piper ($1.66M) and Jon Rowe ($1.47M) who will likely be covered by FBomb’s best “athletes” Kevin Barford ($1.45M) and Brent, I’m too old to be in this grouping, Burton ($1.42M). While I love Brent’s grit and determination, I’m not sure his old man strength will be enough to keep up with SOS’ high flying duo.

Top Male Cutters: Advantage SOS

Next on the list is the polarizing Martin Cloake ($1.42M) going against everyone’s favorite internet troll Nicholas Aghajanian ($1.35M). As good as Aggy’s been this year, Martin is a huge match-up problem when he has talented handlers on his team. Unfortunately for SOS, F Bombs is bursting at the seams with talented handlers and Martin’s d-block game has been on point.

High-end role players: Advantage F Bombs

Finally, we get to our highest paid ladies on each team with F Bombs’ Justine Price ($1.35M) and Maya Popovic ($1.33M) vs. SOS’s Andrea Proulx ($1.27M) and Angela Mueller ($1.16M). Every year we see ladies trying to take the crown away from the Queen of indoor (Justine) and every year she, very humbly, holds them at bay. It just so happens that Proulx has long been threatening Justine for that crown so it’s only fitting that they meet up for the millionth time in tonight’s finals. Angela Mueller is fun to watch and has come out of nowhere to become a Parity league favorite (i.e. throws around lampposts) but Maya is a workout beast which she demonstrates every time she decides to sky for a disc (nice hops!).

Top-end ladies: Advantage F Bombs

The second half of the roster is often what separate championship teams from pretenders. SOS’s Nick Klimowicz ($1.32M), Morgan Howard ($1.30M) and Dan Thompson ($1.25M) are veteran grumpy old men who care about winning while F Bombs’ Rob Ives ($1.24M), Richard Gregory ($1.2M) and Mark, I try hard, Donahue ($1.12M) care equally about winning but do so with a smile. While this grouping of F Bomb players has more athleticism in Donahue, SOS brings to the table a solid handling core that you can count on to not throw it away (hopefully this doesn’t jinx anyone).

Low-end guys: Advantage SOS

SOS’s Melissa Berry ($946k) has height which could be a problem for F Bombs but Nina Ramic ($1.15M) and Hope Celani’s ($847k) non-stop running will be tough for Melissa and indoor veteran Christine Beals ($755k) to keep up with.

Low-end ladies: Advantage F Bombs

Finally, last but not least? SOS’s Chris Tran ($1.06M) is going against Simon, Randy Moss, Berry ($983K). Both of these guys have too much talent to be at the bottom of any roster which probably explains how these two teams got this far. While Simon’s athleticism is probably a bit higher than Dr. Tran’s, the latter has already played on a winning Parity team in his lifetime. For SOS to have a chance in this game, Dr. Tran will need to rekindle his Tier 1 handling form which led his team to victory 2 years ago. Is this likely, probably not, but as we learned last night, anything is possible!

Last-pick dudes: Advantage SOS

So, based on the matchups, I’m predicting a close but decisive win by F Bombs which will give Sully and Justine that 15th Indoor Championship they so desperately need (they may need to invest in a new trophy case).