Making Parity Great Again - Five Golden Things

Submitted by Christopher Keates on Wed, 2017-02-08 11:04

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Parity League

Not to make too obvious a point here, but gold is pretty great. It can be used to make many great things, like towers, thrones, and even hair. And this week in Parity we were poised to give out the gold medal for the first session, because it was the championships! So let's look at a few Golden moments.

1. F-Bombs Wins Gold on Universe

Despite trailing for most of it, in the last 6 minutes of the game F-Bombs managed to claw back from a 3 point deficit to tie it up, with a little assist from the coordinators and stat keepers letting the game go beyond the regular season time cap (good call! sidelines loved it). Universe!

SOS start play well, swinging the disc from side to side, but somehow movement stalls. Morgan Howard motors through the middle of the defense to provide a late stall bail, and looks up field to... chaos. No bail in sight, and with no handlers coming back far enough to give him easy options, he's forced to throw through the biggest mark in Parity, Martin "Does Anybody Want a Peanut" Cloake.

Boom. The Golden Hand stretches out, and blocks it. F-Bombs play to height, flips it to Martin in the endzone, and scores.

2. All Hair, Plenty of Flair Live Announcing the Finals.

Hadrian came to play (act at being a sports pundit) and recorded audio clips from the sidelines for much of the finals. Some of the material was pretty okay, but I'm sure some of it was also solid gold! I eagerly await its release (although details on that are still forthcoming, release date TBD, possibly it's packaged into the ESPN boxed set for the Parity Finals this year?)

3. The Matchup

In what I am going to call "the matchup of the finals", Proulx and Justine had a number of interesting plays. Proulx was obviously motivated by 'dat shiny gold medal, and seemed to win a few key plays against Justine. Two stand out.

A huck! Justine and Proulx, scrambling for the disk! Darlene Riley, backside D help for Justine! 3 women, the same height, all leap for the disk, arms stretched out! Proulx, victorious, lands with it, for the point!

A floaty throw, a bit too far! Justine and Proulx, bolting for it! Justine, tight on her mark, bids at the same time Proulx does! A synchronized dive for the disk! Both of them sliding in unison, but Proulx has the disk firmly in her hands, for the point!

4. The New Guy

Jon Rowe is pretty good. On several hucks to Martin "Does Anybody Want a Peanut" Cloake, Jon was in good position to make a play, and regularly made exploiting the height challenging or impossible. Several D's, several other forced mistakes just with the pressure. He also scored 6 goals!

Jon Rowe, the Golden Boy.

5. Maya

Not just a golden smile, Maya can game, people! This girl was all over the field, making D's, scoring goals, skying boys, and almost had a triple/triple.

Other fun things from the finals:

Sina's 8 throwaways do not tell the full story. Against a difficult defense, Sina frequently picked up the disk and was responsible for starting movement against a very tough upfield look. Several blades, throws through marks, and difficult (but mark-beating) shots to space allowed SOS to beat the F-Bombs defensive look in one pass on several points.
Rob Ives was wearing cleats a size too small, and his statline is correspondingly smaller than normal. He turned it over on 50% of his touches.
Not to be outdone, Klimowicz did the exact same thing. Presumably he doesn't have cleats to blame, but what do I know?
Simon "Randy Moss" Berry had the spell broken, only scoring on 12.5% of his touches. I think he got stuck on Aggy Island.

Final Standings:

1. F Bombs

2. SOS - Man Overboard

3. Basket of Deplorables

4. Kaboom

5. Hindsight Hooligans

6. Mike and the Milburys

7. Katy Parity

8. Like a Boss

STATS! And other stuff.

I Only Do Endzones: KQ scored 6 goals! Her statline was 6/0/0/0. I like this.

I Only Do Dime Droppin': Morgan and Hadrian both had lots of assists but never even really attacked the endzone. 0/5/3/0 and 0/5/2/2, respectively.

I Only Do Everything: Ariel put up 5/4/3/3 on 25 touches. That's a quadruple/triple, and efficient to boot!

I Only Turn it Over: This is a bit of a lie. These players did other great things, BUT! Sina and Fred, 8 and 7 throw aways respectively. Coincidentally, both teams they play for lost on universe. "Coincidentally".

I Only Hesitate: Carrie-Anne had the disk 20 yards in front of the end zone, with two chances to throw to score. Instead, she yelled "I can't do it!" and then threw a 20 yard bail pass. Carrie-Anne, if you can throw 20 yards, you can throw 20 yards towards the scoring area.

I Only Throw Daggers: Ariel threw a hammer that was D'd by Graham Brown's face. By D'd I mean not D'd, because it bounced into Johnny Champagne's arms for a catch. Graham, catch your D's.

I Only Mack My D's: Two points in short succession, SOS - Man Overboard volleyball spiked D's that drifted into the arms of waiting receivers for goals. They then proceeded to internalize this as a defensive strategy, and almost did the same thing three more times.

I Only Play For The Enemy: Darlene for Kaboom: 1/1/3/1. Darlene for F Bombs: 2/4/3/0. Disloyal!

I Only Wear My Hat at Parity: A man on a soccer field asked me what I was doing wearing my hat, and the look on his face was... aggressive. Then he (mis)read my hat and laughed. "Make Party Great Again! Haha! That's good!" Awwwwkward.

I Only Make Physics Jokes: Trevor Ryan calls Higgins "Higgs" which obviously lends itself to Boson, or the God Particle.

Speaking of Higgs, how'd he do in the Keates/Higgs head to head? Who is the better Keates? I went I went 3/7/1/0 with 3 throw aways. He went for 2/2/5/2 with 4 throw aways and one spiked disk into Fred's face (note: Scott scored on a throw Fred bid for but didn't get. Throwing it back to the line Scott hit Fred, who was lying on the ground, in the face. Not actually a spike, but still worth noting).

By virtue of the 4 throwaways, I have to conclude that Higgins is the better Keates. I mean, obviously. God Particle. How can I compete with that? Does anyone have any idea what I can be now, since I've given up my title?

Strange Stats!

I did some work on numbers that are different, similar/same to Rob Tyson's numbers from last year. You can find them in the public sheet here.

These numbers reflect how the season went, BUT they are heavily driven by what I will call team effects. For example, O and D conversion % look at how often the TEAM scored. F Bombs, Basket, Hooligans had big +/- differentials by the end of the year, so their players litter the tops of these lists. There are still some interesting outliers in there.

Workhorse: top 5 players, points played - Craig Anderson, Steve Chow, Kindha Gorman, Patrick Kenzie, Nicholas Aghajanian

Ball Hog: top 5 players, touches per point played - Mike Lee, Sina Dee, Owen Lumley, Craig Anderson, Christopher Keates

Efficient: top 5 players, salary per touch - Martin Cloake, Kevin Barford, Ariel Untiveros, Simon Berry, Jim Robinson

Notables for Conversion%: If you started on O, did you convert it to a goal?

- Hope Celani did 68% of the time.

- Mel Jess did 68% of the time.

- CA Black did 70% of the time.

- Andrew Spearin did 71% of the time.

- Injured (sad!) Calvin Wiebe did... 85% of the time!

What about D?

- Carrie-Anne Whyte did 47% of the time.

- Darlene Riley did 47% of the time.

- Jamie Wildgen did 48% of the time.

- Simon Berry did 50% of the time.

Year End Notes, Session 1!

Most Goals: Ashlin Kelly, with 56! Jim Robinson with 44!

Most Assists: Justine Price with 34! Owen Lumley with 53!

Most Points (G+A): Ashlin Kelly with 66! Owen Lumley with 80!

Most D's: Megan Robb with 21! Owen Lumley with 25!

Most Pindurs: Andrea Proulx with 12 (but all of them are her going horizontal)! Jonathan Pindur and Steve Bisang with 13!

Most Worst Alessandros: Jessie Robinson with 43! Worst Alessandro with 44!

Parity Award for Parity Awesomeness: Everyone! You are all making Parity great! But let's double down. Let's do better! In the Chinese calendar, this is the year of the Rooster. In the Parity calendar, this is the year of the Thumber. Make it happen, people. It'll be solid Gold.

Laura Chambers ...

Wed, 2017-02-08 11:10

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Making Parity Great Again - Five Golden Things

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