Parity Recap Week 4: 'Tis A Silly Place

We’re live again, folks. Long before the era of dueling podcasts, fantasy Slack channels, or sideline broadcasts of Parity finals… there existed the weekly Parity Recap forum post. Though the OCUA forums are humble and functionally limited, like Geofford in a way, they are a depended and trusted source of our weekly cravings for Parity extra-league content. Chris Keates has spent an incalculable amount of time in past years to oblige us with this undertaking, this year we will be crowd sourcing both the content and the write-ups, so please register for OCUA Slack #parity-league and contribute a noteworthy play, heckle, or factoid that we may include.

This year we have 25% more teams in play; thus 25% more highlights, hijinks, and teachable moments to recount. Week 4… Well, let’s get going! Come along, Patsy!

Strange Women Lyin’ in Ponds Distributing Swords is No Basis for a System of Government:  The Leading Ladies of Parity this year are wheeling and dealing at an unprecedented rate. Several teams experienced a 50% roster turnover in week 2, with big changes expected (underway as we speak) as we are again in a balance week. Unfortunately there was a player that arrived to Monday’s game in the wrong time slot, having been traded just days prior… please always check in advance to make sure you haven’t been scuttled to another time slot! Nobody wants to miss a week.

You Must Fetch Me a Shrubbery!:  If you’ve been here before, you’ll know that Katie A and Ashlin are recurring characters at the top of the goals leaderboard. In years past, I’ve aspired for the top position, but my efforts are ever in vain. With 7 and 9 respectively this week, they continue their torrid pace and have a healthy cushion on everyone but Jim Robinson. In solidarity with my fellow J-Ro……. Get’em Jimbo!

You Must Now Cut Down the Tallest Tree In the Forest… With a Herring!: Fresh off his performance as The Incredible Hulk in Week 3, Giulian skied both Martin and Jim for an endzone D with close to a full 12” of height sacrificed.  That’s an impressive feat that could only be pulled off by… wait a minute…

You’ve Just Got Two Empty Halves of Coconuts and You’re Banging ‘em Together:  Did someone say it was business casual day? Perhaps trying out his next flyfishing cosplay outfit, Mehmet sported some khaki knee-length cutaways not often seen on the Superdome fields. He was inches away from a couple D’s that I saw, perhaps the wind dynamics of a sleeker pair of shorts would’ve got him there.

“I Thought Your Son Was a Girl”. “That’s Understandable”:  All Heather’s Men were found a little shorthanded, thus ran ragged (and ran up stats) in the first half. No stranger to man-marking, Heather evened things out by manning-up for the 2nd half.

You Don’t Frighten Us, English Pig Dogs! Go Boil Your Bottoms, You Sons of Silly Persons:  First, credit to Andréa Proulx for a pretty kickass team name (may’ve been influenced by Matt Cole) and for fully committing to the accent aigu. But in a much more real sense, you dun broke the Parity app. Thanks to Kenzie for his tireless work in fixing this, and many other, bugs in the software that lets us all quantify our worth as humans in Parity.

Now Go Away Or I Will Taunt You A Second Time:  Because we’re all adults with sophisticated humour, a Slack joke about Mark Donahue “getting around” having been traded now 3 times in 4 weeks, led to the birth of a new nickname. And Geofford, having been suffering with the black lung now for the past month, coughed up a bit when trying to heckle him. This led to the hilarious self-own line of “I’ve got a Dongahue stuck in my throat”.

STATS

• Brian Perry’s back, everybody. Uncharacteristically quiet for the first part of the season (in stats – he never actually shuts up) he set the season mark with 13 assists this week.
• For the 2nd week in a row, the top salary per point was earned by a sub. Get out your tin foil hats! Nat Mullin had a fantastic game subbing for Moneyball.
• If you all keep throwing it near Pat Mapp, I can guarantee you will only rack up throwaways. He leads the league again with 6, which is also his per game average. You were warned.
• Firsts: Jaime and John’s pessimism about their start to the season with multiple close losses has turned around in a big way, with a blowout win. Pascal Michaud finally showed up to play, and had a cool 7 assists. Emily MacDonald is heating up after a baby-induced frisbee absence and is on the goal board – joined by Geofford who has no such excuse but that I was his defender on the play.
• This week’s lone Berry is won by Meesh! The Berry remains the pinnacle of Parity achievement – perfect balance, perfect harmony, perfect mediocrity.
• Kelsey, on the other hand, is busy making us all look bad with a fat looking stat sheet and zeroes for turnovers.
• Andrea Dietz had a robust 4/3/2/0
• Jamie Wildgen ever so close to hitting lotto with 2/3/3/3
• Seb Belanger won the scratchoff prize with 2/2/2/2.
• Erin Courtney is no stranger to the endzone, with 6 goals.
• Emily Kavanagh had a remarkable 2/4/3/1 with only 18 touches on the disc.

Oh look, there’s some lovely filth over there… I’m done for now but if there’s anything I’ve missed or that you want to add please comment below. And don’t forget to hit that big subscribe button, follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Twitch, Patreon, but DON’T follow me home from the dome, I get creeped too often as it is.