Making Parity Great Again - The Second Step

Submitted by Christopher Keates on Wed, 2017-01-18 11:46

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Parity is great, a mantra upon which we can all agree. But is it as great as it can be? In a week filled with technical problems, bizarre series of upsets, one team playing with nearly 50% subs, and a very aggressive "hug", it's tough to say. Only you (we) can judge....
 
New Additions: First up, welcome to Kyle Sprysa and Mat Johnson, joining the league. Kyle is a long-time Parity alumni, and Mat Johnson is lucky first timer!
 
Lowlights!
 
Confused Seniors: Seb bailed to Owen, who inexplicably dropped the disk. I assume he was admiring his own beard, which has grown so large can can now see it simply by looking down. Of course this happened in the endzone, so I picked up the disk and threw immediately to Seb's mark for the point while both wily vets stared in astonishment at Owen's play. 
 
Note that this officially hits my self-callout quota for the season, at 1.
 
Pew Pew Pew!!: 4 people threw it away 5 times. Morgan, Probe, Aggy, and Lumley. We have come to expect this sort of thing from Aggy, but the other three are all too good and too risk averse to be throwing like this, but they did it anyway. Parity Seal of Approval!
 
Droppin' Disks: Jeremy Bryan had 3 drops, which reminds me that we need a new word for BISANG since Bisang now means affectionate butt-slaps from Steve Chow. Jonathan Pindur leads the league in drops at 13, so we're going with PINDUR. Throwing my hat in the ring for the acronym game on this: Player Is Now Dropping an Ultimate Reception
 
Technology: The Parity app had an issue that prevented the second tablet from fully loading rosters, which lead to the 10:00pm game being stat-kept by hand on pen and paper. I must confess, I've become so used to Swype I don't know if I remember how to write anything other than my name.
 
For reference, the issue was with a change made to Zuluru's servers that prevented the app from properly loading rosters.
 
... sigh ... Highlights
 
Double Happiness: Jim apparently handblocked a guy then scored on the same guy two passes later, which in ultimate parlance is Double Happiness, apparently? Is this lingo correct? I'm not down with the lingo.
 
Aerial Hugs: Ariel went up for a disk at the same time as Megan Robb and they came together in an elegant, delicate, completely consensual mid-air hug. Parity romance is the best!
 
Steppin' Up: Several players put in noteworthy performances relative to their average. 
 
Stacey Wowchuk's beaver hat game is always on point, but this week so was her frisbee with a G/A/AA/D line of 2/2/2/4. 
 
Angela Mueller put up 1/3/2/1 with 100% completions (although I would argue that just means she didn't throw enough hammers). 
 
Burton put up a 4/3/2/1 stat-line to prove to us he understands ordinality.
 
Wildgen, who I will remind everyone is over 50 years old, put up 2/3/6/1 because he's a ridiculous freak of nature. 
 
Matthew "Skynes" Schijns went 3/2/2/3 even after I chirped his offensive decline because he's become a useful player. 
 
Sam "The Best" Lee finally saw use comensurate with her ultimate abilities and put up 5/1/0/3 for her best performance of the season. 
 
Jaime Boss put up 1/4/2/0 for her best game of the year, too. 
 
The Worst Alessandro put up 3/5/2/1 and only 2 throw aways for maybe his best game of the year (he halved his average turnovers!). 
 
And finally, Rob Ives, GM of the year 2014 (Spring) and Time Magazine's man of the year in 2006 put up a remarkably quiet 3/4/2/0.
 
Oh Yea, I'm a Cutter!: This week Andrea focused on cutting, to the betterment of her team. 5G! Unsurprisingly, it was one of her best and most efficient games.
 
Droppin' Dimes: Janet Ibit had 3A/3AA with zero goals, so if you have her on your team and you want to score you should probably get her the disk alot because she made plenty of other players look great with her throws.
 
Other Fun Things: Owen Lumley's team Basket of Deploreables has a surprisingly on-point Zuluru game. Who can identify the fun thing Owen has been doing in Zuluru all year with his team?

Brian Kells, Kindha Gorman and Rob Ives also have on-point Zuluru game, but it's more subtle. Who sees what's going on?
 
Only two players care enough about their Position in Zuluru (as of this writing) to have changed it from Unspecified. Who are they?
 
Star of the Week for Spectacularly Awesome:
 
Alison Ward and Adrienne Junek, Parity Alumni and all-around great people, kept stats on the 10:00 pm game with pen and paper after the system ran into problems. The two of you single-handedly made Parity great this week.
 
REMINDER: I cannot be everywhere and see everything! If you see great things and want me to include them in this, please email me at christopher.keates@gmail.com to tell me about them! I'm aiming to post these things by 12:00 pm Wednesdays!
 
NOTE: I am not playing this week so these little notes on awesome plays and interesting events will be doubly important (and this post will be delayed until Thursday, next week).

Alessandro Cola...

Wed, 2017-01-18 12:34

Pindur's gonna PINDUR?

Ashlin's scores haven't lowered in number. She had 7 goals on Monday!

Keates excels at these event summaries.

Alex Bush

Wed, 2017-01-18 14:35

I had an impressive 0 turns and 0 drops this week for the third week in a row.

#ParityGreatness

Sina Dee

Wed, 2017-01-18 14:49

Keeping up with my resolution, I threw a "was that a scoober" scoober throw to Morgan.  I also threw a "you could've just thrown a flick" thumber to Morgan also.  

Stacey Wowchuk killing it with her amazing layouts!!

Jamie Wildgen was incredibly efficient in Monday.  Almost every second pass went back to him.  

Jon Rowe

Wed, 2017-01-18 16:21

Sacrificing life and limb on a wicked bid to try and deny a goal to Sina along the breakside sideline... narrowly avoided taking out 3 hecklers and/or his head on the concrete (thank heaven for the stacked up gym bags). No D though!

Geofford Seaborn

Wed, 2017-01-18 16:27

Tim Kealey is the new Mark Donahue.

#tryhard

Amos Lee

Wed, 2017-01-18 17:22

Really? I don't see any asymmetrical arm sleeve being flaunted on the field. #bringbackthesleeve

Tim Kealey

Thu, 2017-01-19 04:28

TryHardley? One must try hard both on and off the field

Brent Burton

Fri, 2017-01-20 20:06

but don't listen to me either.

Laura Chambers ...

Wed, 2017-01-18 18:50

You forgot to mention that Amos and Geofford's heckle game was at 98% on Monday - a season high. I saw Amos get double birds on two occasions!

Which makes me question if Agy has developed a complex...

Nicholas Aghajanian

Thu, 2017-01-19 09:41

it's all attention...

Amos Lee

Thu, 2017-01-19 10:04

People say I don't try hard enough. I like to think I just place my efforts where they're most needed.

Stacey Wowchuk

Thu, 2017-01-19 08:01

I would like to single out Angela Mueller for YET AGAIN saving this old lady from having to play without subs. She is not only an amazing (and relentless) player, but also a lovely and delightful person - which makes her one half of my MVP list for this week.  The other half (and my heart) belongs to Sam "TheBEST" Lee.  She did not stop running. Ever. Now if we could just train our teammates to recognize that she is open All. The. Time.  Always.  So stop farting around with those endzone eyes and acknowledge her greatness.

Jessie Robinson's picture

Jessie Robinson

Thu, 2017-01-19 18:54

Notably, Boss had a record number of her signature travel calls (she is generally on point because she is always looking at your feet!) as well as being handblocked...umm, I mean fouled? I heart Boss!