Keeping Parity Great - The Great-ful Eight

Submitted by Christopher Keates on Wed, 2017-04-05 14:05

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Parity League

Keeping in mind that sometimes, in Parity, greatness is kind of hard to quantify. But I think we all know it when we see it... and these 8 people brought some greatness to the table this week!

1. Parity Co-ordinator Kevin Hughes finally completed his training and with one final demonstration of his ninjitsu, he has been accepted into the ranks of Parity Assassins. Defending a cut, Kevin was trailing his man. The throw goes up, low and wide to the break side, and Kevin realized he wasn't going to make the D. So, like any good ninja preventing a score, he slid and kicked it. From now on we must call him by his ninja name, "キック"

2. Simon Berry was proud and it showed on the sideline. He was sure he'd done one of everything! A goal, an assist, a D, a throw away, a drop! Chris Sully even complimented him for the well rounded game he was having. "I just got a compliment from Sully! His affection is worth more than parity dollars!" A more factual statement has never been made, and we should all be so lucky.

3. Ben Piper is very happy for the receivers he's with. On a nice shimmy cut, Piper whipped a flick at Martin, but missed behind him. Once again, the tallest man in the world came through, and caught a disk thrown behind him literally no one else has the arm span to catch. Martin had to leave his feet to do it, and looked much like this when he finished making the catch. Ben was also saved from blading a disk away in spectacular fashion by little ol' Carrie Anne and her sticky hands.

4. Nepotism is alive and well in Parity, with Amos calling in his secret weapon Aleks Ostojic as a sub. She had something like 11 hand blocks (actual number : 2). She's a great player with great hands. Maybe we all need to just bail when she marks us.

5. Michelle Warren found a new home this week on 99 Problems, and was a bright spot for a team whose problems may or may not be increasing in number. As a bit of an exclamation mark for her game, on a run through D she pumped both her fists into the air while never breaking stride on a run to the end zone.

6. Anne Tran is great at defense. She even D'd Jim's hand with her face! She was attempting to run around Jim on D to stay with her cover, and just as she was passing him he extended his arm to throw and essentially punched her in the face. Jim came off worse in the collision, the force of which brought him to his knees. Thankfully no one was hurt, so no harm no... foul?

7. Geofford apparently plays better D when he's not paying attention. While covering his man he was struck in the back by a disc! Good positioning? Preternatural frisbee sense? Luck? Does it matter when you're puttin' in work and getting the job done? (Hint: it does not)

8. The best chirp of the week actually goes to Alex Bush, who remarked "Where's your parity post? What do we pay you fake money for? You gotta earn that $1.4M" to me when the post wasn't up on time. This is the sort of long distance commitment and relentlessness that only Parity inspires. Bush is really going all out this season, even though he's not playing.

HIGHLIGHTS AND LOWLIGHTS

I'm particularly blessed with anecdotes this week, so I think I can cut down on some of the blathering on about statistics!

Kevin Barford: No funny label for this. Kevin, what were you doing? You showed up for your game late, didn't even get to join in the Parity fun this week, and somehow managed to create more work for the league by your tardiness? Come on. For those of you not in the know, Kevin missed his game entirely (he showed up for the 8:20 time slot), but still managed to show up in the stat sheet. キック had to go into the stats and remove him from the data after the fact.

Although if it makes you feel better.... anecdote time. I was once asked to sub for a team at 8:00. I showed up to discover that a. they were almost done the game and b. I was asked to sub from 7:00 to 8:00. This team has never asked me to sub since (the correct decision).

Cora's: Team Soho's game was apparently more poachy than a breakfast joint. Is this age related, an attempt to conserve energy? Soho's average age only went up with the addition of Thuc, so that could be it. Doesn't seem to matter, that team is playing well (as is Thuc).

Stop Those Girls They Score Again: I am happy to report that if you sort by salary, 4 of the top 5 and 50% of the top 10 performances this week were ladies. 3 of those top 4 are from the same team (!!!)

Darlene's performance for the week is absolutely lights out. Nearly mistake free, and she racked in the stats and dollars. 32 touches! 3 goals, 5 assists! She was unstoppable.

Alisha led the week again, which maybe we should be used to. 5/5/2/1, although 2 drops? Really? I can only assume it's from all the sweaty high fives you get on the sidelines, so maybe chalk up before you go on.

Rachel Young put up 4/2/6/1 with no drops (for once) on a monster night.

But perhaps the best performance of the week goes to Stacey Wowchuk. 3/3/4/3 for a triple double and the 5th highest salary in week 8?! Stacey, where have you been hiding this sort of dominance?!

Play D: Brian Kells is a remarkably nice man when he wants to be. Jon Rowe spent a good chunk of time one point covering Kells and wondering why he wasn't cutting. Kells was kind enough to point out that Jon was the one on offense, and maybe he might like to run around a bit?

SHOUTOUTS

Greatness was also brought to the forums this week with help from Laura Storey, Jon Rowe, Sebastian Belanger, Justine Price, Hadrian Mertins-Kirkwood and long time listeners/first time callers Sandra Hanson and Andrea Proulx.

Christopher Keates

Wed, 2017-04-05 14:44

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Keeping Parity Great - The Great-ful Eight

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