Parity - Week 16 Lights, Camera, Action!

So, I'm looking at the numbers... and oh my. What an evening! The Hornet's Nest rolled out the green carpet, all of parity showed up in their finest frisbee regalia, and then proceeded to put up some truly Oscar worthy performances.

Before we get to those performances, however, we need to talk about the league's finances and the global economy. Did you know that your salaries are paid out in Canadian Pesos? The exchange rate is pretty bad, and I bet all of you are surprised to see how little you make when the parity cheques arrive in the mail. Blame the U.S.'s increased refinery capacity, ready access to shale oil, the drop in oil prices and the U.S. dollar being the currency every barrel is traded under.

And with all that background info, it is with a heavy heart that I announce....

Best Job: Geofford got a job. I told him he should try harder at parity, earn more salary and make ends meet. He chose to seek employment, and Monday was his first day. Anyone else notice his clean shaven face and fresh hair cut? Why, he looked just like he did on his first day of grade school! Clearly a little adult responsibility did him good, as his game of frisbee was almost perfect! No drops, all of his throw aways were receiver error, and his pull even stayed in bounds.

Here's hoping that after a few weeks of the daily grind, he's used to the fatigue so he can start throwing assists and scoring goals again, too.

Acting: Kyle Sprysa was so sure that he was open on an up-line cut that he yelled "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" with enough enthusiasm that the handler believed him. Without thought, winding up for the throw, the player with the disk only hesitated when the collective "Noooooo!" from the poach-aware sideline was able to drown out Kyle's convincing performance. A sign of good acting is when your audience finds you believable, and for this one play Kyle deserves a standing ovation.

Re-Acting: I tried to call Kenzie off the disk one time. He looked like he was going to, then smirked at me and declined at the last second. The sideline loved it! Applause, popped champagne, cheers and jeers aplenty!

Overacting: On one point Khalid decided to dive at everything and ultimately fail. He missed a bid on a catch, got it back on D, then missed two chances at another D. The final miss was the gentlest of tips to Jim Robinson (who scored). 

At no point in any of these throws was he the target of the throw or actually covering the player thrown to. Khalid's look of pain and despair after the goal was compelling, and moved many to tears.

Failure to Re-Act: Khalid put in a great performance last night. Arguably the best scene with him in it? A pick call! On a great bail cut he pulled up, reacting to the call. Actually, he looked injured and pulled up lame, his head down. The handler did not acknowledge the call, and threw to Khalid.

Too focused on his pain (or still existential sadness from the D failures) he never saw it. The sideline yelled, the handler yelled, everyone on the field yelled, but Khalid was in his own world. He just kept walking, almost stumbling, as it gently floated behind him and landed on the ground.

He then also didn't call injury. So the pick call stood, as did the entirely preventable (and reversable) turnover.

The Razzies: Normally reliable Brian Kells had a remarkable number of throw aways. The only player with more than 10 touches and a worse completion percentage was Heather Wallace (but honestly, keep reading, she was special in other ways last night).

Megan Berry had all of the drops. Leading the week with 3, which is probably something I've never seen her do before.

Fred Caron cut so hard he tripped himself. There was no one around him. He was wide open. He channeled his inner Chris Farley and it was the best slapstick comedy moment of the night.

Teen Choice Award: Wynne Gee had 29 throws and... 1 assist. Very, very careful decision making by the young star.

Rookie Performance: Chris Vickers made his parity debut! His velvetty, rich fingers are simply not used to the rigors of frisbee (or maybe he had performance anxiety) so there was more than one drop. But, I'm sure he'll turn it around next week.

Best Impersonation: Owen Luml ... I mean, Steve Close looks exactly like Owen Lumley.

Best Supporting Actor (Male): Sully had 9 assists. 9! Plus the pants.

Best Supporting Actor (Female): Jessie had 11 assists. 11! I'm pretty sure they were all hammers.

Best Actor (Male): Alex Bush and Al Colantonio both had 8 goals (!) but Al had the better over-all week and narrowly walks away with this one. Let's be honest, the Academy was never going to award Bush with anything. Better luck next year, Leo.

Best Actor (Female): Adrienne and Kirsten both had 5 goals but Adrienne had as many assists/second assists and really put in a stellar performance, easily taking home this award.

Best Director: Al, Ian, Jessie, Kindha, Mehmet, Rob, Sina, and Stan all did great work this week, but the winner of this award is obviously also Sully.

Up and Coming Star: Kris Bergmann decided that he would almost get a triple-triple. 4 goals, 3 assists, 2 D's, and lots of smart disc movement. Everyone needs to tune into this guy's next performance.

Night-time Achievement Award: Here are people who flirted with the triple triple: Al, Sully, Sina, and Bisang (who also had 2 drops, which would have been an ignominius quadruple-triple).

Here are people who actually got a triple triple:

• Andrew Cameron, 4G, 3A, 3D
• Heather Wallace, 3G, 4A, 4D
• Nick Therieult, 3G, 5A, 3D