Parity - Week 20 Championship Lights

Spring has come. From where we stand we can glimpse the coming summer. But sadly, stretching before it is the long cold winter of Parity league. Parity, as I think we all agree, is the most wonderful time of the year. But all things have their season, and we must put it away, for now.

So while I can sit at my desk, enjoy my lunch and dream of fresh clipped fields and cold beers shared after a game, I am still saddened by the end of yet another year of Parity.

And what a year it was.

Last night we played a Championship game! Stan’s Sturgeons vs. Karma Down Under! It was ultimately a very close game that ended 17-19 for Stan’s Sturgeons. You’ll note I have nothing particularly creative to say about the game and that I listed Karma’s score first. What can I say? The bitter sting of defeat is still fresh on my tongue.

Congratulations to Stan’s Sturgeons, OCUA Parity’s 2015-2016 Champion. I gave you a cup to drink from, two bottles of de-alcoholized sparkling wine to drink, and what did you do? Finished half of one bottle and left the trophy at the dome.

How will the Parity trophy earn the legendary stories of other great sports trophies if you won’t even celebrate with it? One of you could have baptized a child in our great and revered chalice. Maybe it could have be dropped in a pool? You guys could have done great things with the trophy! I’m very disappointed.

Thankfully, we do still have other highlights.

Most Married: David Townsend missed his game to go get married! Congratulations, Dave! The wedding is on Thursday of this week. We should all raise a glass of something and toast in the general direction of Mexico that evening.

EDIT: Adam MacDonald also got married. He got ring tattoos instead of rings! I also assume his wife wrote the invitations, due to the risk of typos. Adam now leads the league and his marriage in D's.

Role Reversal: Allan Godding normally scores goals but he decided to throw for 5 assists, more than his normally prolific teammates Al Colantonio and Chris Sullivan.

Scoring Machine: Nina Ramic scored 6 of her team’s 17 goals. Hey Nina! That’s pretty friggen’ good.

D-lightful: I had 5 D’s. Maybe if I’d had 6, we’d have won? Lesson for next year - try harder.

Irresponsible: Al, Laura Chambers, and Brian Kells all had lots and lots of throw aways (8, 7, and 6, respectively). This is odd for Laura and Kells. It approaches par for Al.

Weekly Bisang Update: Rob Ives and Alex Bush Bisanged the hardest, with 3 drops each.

Noteables: Kevin Hughes demonstrated his abilities to be a disk mover. His stat line doesn’t show it but he was a smart, responsible, and reliable handler.

So was Kris Bergmann, who has continued to improve his game and grow as a player.

Stacey Wowchuk scored a bunch.

Every player on Katy Parity with a first name starting with S scored 3 goals. Illuminati confirmed.

Jeff Hunt had one of his best nights of the year! He was 2 goals shy of a triple triple. He was too busy throwing assists, though.

Andre Scott had 3 goals, no throwaways, and no drops for a relatively high-scoring and still perfect stat-line.

Highlight of the Week: Stan’s only goal was the last goal of his team’s season, and also the final point of the game. With the game 17-18, a break by Karma would have sent the game to universe point. So Stan decided to score. Good job Stan, enjoy being insufferable about it for the foreseeable future. You’ve earned it.