Making Parity Great Again - The First Step to Greatness

Submitted by Christopher Keates on Tue, 2017-01-10 15:53

Forums:

Making parity great is hard, and it takes a certain amount of dedication to the cause. For my part, it's a new year, and I'm going to be starting up the weekly write-ups again. Please do great or terrible (or both) things so that I can pillory you accordingly in the writeup.
 
I am also happy to report that many of you obviously took everything I said to heart, and we got back to Parity's roots! So many hammers, so much poaching, and a noticeable uptick in heckles! Hurray! 
 
Let's recap!
 
Dropsies: Craig "Vezina" Anderson tried to collect a pull. He seemed to decide at the last minute not to catch it, and tried to get out of the way. Some of his teamates were clearing up field, boxing him in. With limited space to move, his dodging was for naught as the disc struck him and hit the ground for what is a parity first dropped pull (I think). Too bad you can't call pick on offense, Craig!
 
The best part of the play? The player who picked up the disk was immediately handblocked by Craig. Vezina/Parity worthy hands, Craig!
 
Misreads: Seb tried to D a disk but didn't, so a floater dropped right into the hands of Ashlin for 1 of her 6 (real) goals on the night. Owen tried to catch a disc and toe-tap behind him to get a goal, but dropped it. Aren't you Grandmasters supposed to become smarter players with better developed skills, instincts and reliance on the fundamentals to make up for your declining physical abilities?
 
Hammer Time: So many hammers. Many of them full field floaters to triple coverage. Taka, remember that hammer you threw? I remember it.
 
Nice one, tips: Why can't you people catch it the first time? Angela Mueller almost tipped a disk out of the endzone, only barely recovering it on a spectacular catch and toe-drag (that also almost put her face first into concrete). Laura Knowles did the same at one point, whiffing so completely on a pancake that the disk bounced off her abs (presumably rock hard?).
 
Lowlights!
 
Pew Pew Pew!: Sina and Aggy both competed directly for the most throw aways for the night at 6 (and they are on the same team so this takes some serious doing). However, if you take into account throw drops and just how aggressively Al hammers it sometimes, Al wins with 7. 
 
Special shoutout to Julia Laforge who had 2G, 2A and 4AA which would be a spectacular week for anyone, but for her 5 throw aways. Amos thanks you for managing your salary.
 
Speaking of pewpew, the following players have 3 or less throwaways (not including throw drops) after 8 weeks! Trevor Stocki (2), Johnny Champagne (3), and Will Lecki (3). Come on, guys.
 
Butter Fingers: Anne Tran and Nina Ramic had the most drops at 3. Both are usually very sure handed.
 
Special mention to all subs for the night, (8 players) who recorded zero drops between them.
 
Speaking of drops, the no-drops watch begins! After 8 weeks, the following players have no drops! Brian Kells, Janet Ibit, Wynne Gee, Martin Cloake, Chris Sullivan. Where is your commitment to making Parity great again, guys?
 
... sigh ... Highlights
 
Goals: Trevor, Ashlin, Martin and Nina all had 6 this week. Janet Ibit had 4 goals in 9 catches, showing off her nose for the endzone. Mel B put her height to use with 3 goals in 10 catches. Taka made two spectacular catches for points because apparently she doesn't care about her skin.
 
Noteable: Scott Higgins had zero, because he was tired after subbing for my team.
 
Assists: Owen and myself had 6, but who cares about us? No one.
 
But let's talk about Pindur (usually crazy with the disk) throwing 5, or Buckshot (whose name means exactly what it sounds like) keeping the disk on target and also getting 5? Megan Robb had 4G and 4A because she's crazy. Kevin Barford gets podcast props and then drops 4 dimes like he was motivated. Kevin Hughes put up 3 with some great touch.
 
Defense: Jon Pindur, Megan Robb and Justine each had 5 Ds on the day. That's a lot! Vetvut, Alessandro Colonnier (better Al), Alessandra Colantonio (lesser Al), Matthew Schijns, Calvin Wiebe, Kindha Gorman, Jon Rowe and Wing all put up 2 against some pretty tough matchups.
 
Bestest Games Ever: Megan Robb had a 4G, 4A, 5D game for well more than a triple triple. Martin Cloake did it too, with 6G, 3A and 3D. 
 
Justine came close, a goal shy with 2G, 3A and 5D. Lesser Al also came close with 4G, 3A and 2D. Calvin, in one of his few games this year had a 1G,1A,2D game on about 10 touches which is impressive. Wing was similar with 1G, 2A and 2D with 9. Matt Schijns came close with 3G, 1A and 2D, which is a great game!
 
Other hightlights:
 
Maya scored a lot! Simon Berry had no drops after some motivational words by me in a huddle! Sam Lee was an assertive and efficient reset handler and disk mover in an offense that clogs far too much to take advantage of her skills! Chow Bisang'd people relentlessly! Greg Probe threw at the endzone 3 times successfully, which is something he is almost never willing to risk! Katie Bigras played her first game in the league (welcome, Katie)! Jay Thor has the best name in the league, with Ryan Mussell a runner up!
 
All this said, Parity is pretty good, but I think it still has a ways to go to be great. I love all of you, but will admittedly love you more if you keep being spectacularly irresponsible with your throws. Speaking of...
 
Star of the Week for Spectacularly Irresponsible
Taka Yamada. That hammer you threw worked and it was amazing.
 
Now, here is where I solicit information from all of you. I can't see all of the greatness parity has to offer, and sometimes I am too busy Parity-ing to really remember all the greatness. For next week, if you have players in mind who deserve a shoutout for doing something awesome and/or terrible (I prefer terrible), email me! I'd love to hear about funny chirps, game anecdotes, and other tidbits I can work into these writeups (to be posted in future weeks on Wednesdays to allow for player feedback). Find my email in my profile!
 
Also, do you want to help make Parity great again or otherwise advertise how great you want to make Parity with some sort of headwear? Email me. There will be a cost involved, but I don't know what that will be yet without numbers for any ordering I might do.

Kindha Gorman

Tue, 2017-01-10 16:55

We've missed you, Keates. 

Stacey Wowchuk

Tue, 2017-01-10 22:33

I'm with K-Diggity. This is all kinds of yes. Parity2017 is going to be HUUUUUUUUGE!

Laura Chambers ...

Wed, 2017-01-11 09:15

I was getting tired of reading only about Owen's playoff beard and who is the best Lee. 

Christopher Keates

Wed, 2017-01-11 09:38

Sam, obvs.

Owen Lumley

Wed, 2017-01-11 10:44

the best Lee should assert his/her dominance by growing the best playoff beard.

Alessandro Cola...

Tue, 2017-01-10 17:19

Spectacularly Irresponsible® is my new fragrance for ultimate players. "It's like Ultilife, for your nose!"

Sebastien Belanger

Tue, 2017-01-10 20:58

Matchups to remember

One of my favorite things to watch is matchups. Anyone can get open on a young inexperienced defenders but watching real defense against tallented offense is spectcular.

One of my favorites this week was Jamie "Wildgy" Wildgen (new nickname provided by Adrinne J) vs. underated offensive parity star Brian Kells. Brian only got 1G, 1A but still managed to get 20 catches against one of Parity leagues' best defenders. Wildgy did embraced his new nickname and elected not to go for a 50/50 disc that would surely have resulted in a long stoppage and excessive apologizing.

Another great matchup was Craig, I'm glad I'm no longer living in Trumperica, Anderson vs. Owen, I'm better than you at frisbee, Lumley. Other than Owen's rediculous toe tap kick-back in the endzone that had Amos seething with jealousy, the play of the night was when Craig did a barrel roll in the endzone trying to keep up with Owen's cut followed by a wide open Owen deciding to do a spectacular toe drag dropped disc instead of just catching it outside of the endzone. While Craig's stats of 2G 2A didn't quite match Owen's 2G 6A, the fact that he had 1 more catch than Owen (17 vs 16) better represents just how close that matchup was.

Pinder was Jeckel and Hide which caused Higgens to throw a water bottle (see Bush, we still have hot heads in Parity). Keates was an Beast 3G 5A 3D and an honorable mention to Andre for laughing an my jokes.

Christopher Keates

Wed, 2017-01-11 10:54

I replaced him for Rob's game, so to thank him for all his great work with Parity I gave him his first (and last) triple triple of the year.

Genevieve Daigle

Wed, 2017-01-11 12:31

Thank you for the very enjoyable lunch-time read. It's almost like i never left... almost. 

Steve Bisang

Fri, 2017-01-13 14:18

You forgot to mention that I Chow'd myself, chasing down an errant throw for a layout score, sacrificing life and limb.