Parity Achieved

Submitted by Amos Lee on Tue, 2016-11-08 09:38

Forums:

Hey guys,

So ummmm, parity was achieved last night. I think we should just call it a resounding success and finish out the season with our rosters as is.

#pleasedontmakemetrademyplayersaway #stillmakingobscenelylonghashtagsfornogoodreason 

Your friendly neighbourhood GM,

Amos

Brian Kells

Tue, 2016-11-08 10:55

are the stats posted somewhere?

Alex Bush

Tue, 2016-11-08 11:26

I had 1329015 drops in one game. I don't know why my teammates kept throwing it to me.

Geofford Seaborn

Tue, 2016-11-08 11:28

It's due to your patented spiral-cut pattern where you systematically run around in circles, clogging up all the lanes giving throwers no choice but to throw at you.

Amos Lee

Tue, 2016-11-15 08:43

Okay guys... we tied last night. PARITY. RIGHT?

Geofford Seaborn

Tue, 2016-11-15 09:37

The numbers don't lie.

Amos Lee

Tue, 2016-11-22 11:02

OKAY WE LOST GUYS. PARITY ACHIEVED. I GET TO KEEP PRETTY BOY WITH THE FLOWY HAIR. (HADRIAN)

Christopher Keates

Tue, 2016-11-22 11:30

Parity not achieved.

Amos Lee

Tue, 2016-11-22 11:47

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

Hadrian is only worth 3 points, I swear. (Sorry Hadrian)

Benjamin Piper

Tue, 2016-11-22 15:32

So my stats as a sub with Amos are much better than my stats on my normal team. I think partly you guys throw a lot of passes, which ups everyone's stats, even in a losing game.

Amos Lee

Tue, 2016-11-22 15:35

Last night's offensive patience was a complete outlier. I have no idea where my team got the idea that playing more possession minded offense to clean up a horribly organized endzone was actually good. It certainly wasn't me as you'll remember my quality huck into double coverage that you so kindly caught despite probably being fouled 5 times in the matter of half a second.

Jessie Robinson's picture

Jessie Robinson

Tue, 2016-11-22 14:04

Trades are fun, but I've been replaced with the throwaway machine Nick Theriault and the pickup stud Craig Anderson. What's a handler to do? Tried cutting, but no one threw to me, so there was only one other option on the leaderboard...D-blocks! That's right Scott Higgins, I'm coming for you ;) good thing Jim Robinson is making it rain with all those Dolla billz, otherwise I'd go hungry. I hear the ladies are going wild for this scoring phenomenon.

Michael Colantonio

Fri, 2016-11-25 10:56

Parity not achieved?

Alessandro Cola...

Fri, 2016-11-25 11:14

KeanuWhoa.jpg

Amos Lee

Fri, 2016-11-25 13:23

I'm the highest paid Lee. Therefore "The Best Lee". #parityachieved #what

Owen Lumley

Fri, 2016-11-25 18:39

Lumlee

Steve Bisang

Mon, 2016-11-28 16:11

 

 

http://snn.bz/wp-content/i[;pads/2016/03/chumlee.jpg

 

Alessandro Cola...

Tue, 2016-11-29 10:23

Bisang, that link may not bring others to the image or site you intended. 

 

(It's possible I just don't get the joke. Both human beings I live with often tell me I'm not funny.)

Mike Lee

Tue, 2016-12-06 11:50

How about now Amos?

Amos Lee

Tue, 2016-12-06 13:43

Somehow there are players being dropped from the stats. Don't worry, I'm working on a way to get you included in that club :D

Trevor Stocki

Mon, 2017-01-16 23:39

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/9e/7d/ae/9e7dae7b78ea8943c7c44...

 

Sebastien Belanger

Sat, 2016-11-26 09:46

I'm assuming Owen's account got hacked cause he usually relies on his fanboys for reminding us all how good he is, this level of self promotion is unprecedented. Perhaps it's the Trump effect

Amos Lee

Tue, 2016-12-06 09:33

Alright, week 5 is in the bag and somehow we're still at Parity. And you can all thank me. It truely is a miracle that only 1/8 of the GMs can be interested in achieveing TRUE parity and still succeed but I do this for you all and the league.

Notable GMs who are against obtaining parity this week:
- Owen for somehow managing to "not acquire" his new players and drop his team salary so low that he put everybody else above parity by collective millions.
- Kells for using Mike Lee in the same way we all would... throwing to him all the time, every second time, wherever the hell he might be on the field
- Wildgen for fielding subs against me that probably weren't legit only because I feel like making that claim despite my enjoyment of playing against them
- Rob for stepping into that hammer he caught in the endzone when I was trying to make a safe D and taking a hockey worthy hit for the score. If you're asking how that's counter to parity, I don't want to have that conversation with you (because I'll lose and I hate losing)

Amos Lee

Tue, 2016-12-13 09:34

In a shocking turn of events, the Hooligans, through legitimate play and a kidney shot from Geofford, limited Mike Lee to his lowest salary gain yet. Meanwhile, their fearless leader (moi) racked up more than Mike and retains the title of "The Best Lee"

Tune in next time Amos and Mike face off. He'll probably try next time (and avoid Geofford). Maybe I can get him traded to my team so that doesn't happen.

All that to say, PARITY ACHIEVED.

Laura Chambers ...

Tue, 2016-12-13 11:12

You had two questionable wins last night neither of which was the game... ahem...

they were as follows:

1. having the best lee (of the night) 

2. officially changing your cheer to "all hair, no flair".

Well done, sir.

Christopher Keates

Tue, 2016-12-13 11:19

kinky rope/mesh net bondage play to further facilitate chirping, which is a degree of commitment to the cause that I find quite frankly amazing.

Amos Lee

Tue, 2016-12-20 10:44

Owen lost. Enough said. Parity ach... ah f* it.

Brent Burton

Tue, 2016-12-20 11:53

This week he brought candy canes and salty tears of sadness to his sidelines. What have you done Amos?

Christopher Keates

Tue, 2016-12-20 12:08

Mike Lee is a p. good Lee, and we all know Amos is a dece Lee, but Sam is the Lee we all wish we could be.

Justine Price

Tue, 2016-12-20 12:11

Agreed, Sam Lee was on fire last night. Except for that one time, that we won't mention. It's a stupid rule anyway.

Christopher Keates

Tue, 2016-12-20 12:41

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rJlxFgEDXw

Amos Lee

Tue, 2016-12-20 13:38

I still fail to see how any of the other Lees can lay claim on the title without the de facto "Best Lee" trophy... my BearSharks jersey.

I even beat the upstart (Lum)lee last night! (Don't review the salary gain... it's toooootally accurate)

Alex Bush

Wed, 2016-12-21 11:42

Amos, I crunched the numbers and I've found out you are CHEATING

Goals 16 = $160,000

Assists: 25 = $250,000

2A: 15 = $120,000

Ds 10 = $80,000

Catches 129 = $129,000

Completions 143 = $143,000

Throw Aways 20 = -$100,000

Throws dropped 5 = -$12,500

Drops 5 = -$25,000

Base Salary = $500,000

Total = $1,244,500 and NOT $1,353,250!!!  

 

PARITY IS RIGGED! AMOS IS A LIAR! HILARY WON THE ELECTION! UP IS DOWN! BLACK IS WHITE! CATS AND DOGS LIVING TOGETHER! MASS HYSTERIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Geofford Seaborn

Wed, 2016-12-21 13:31

I did a quick check, and I think there are 11 players (who've played all 7 games so far) who's salary doesn't line up with the math.

33 such players add up right.

The formulas become more difficult when dealing with players who've been away - or joined later - due to adding in averages and such.

Christopher Keates

Wed, 2016-12-21 13:52

I think this is strong evidence of hacked Parity. And the obvious question is, who has motive? Who would want Amos's team to be over priced? Could it be Owen, likely his closest competition? Could it be Kells, down a superstar and looking to poach a little hair and/or flair? Could it be Wildgen, GM of the cheapest team in the league and bitter that the league refuses to use a strong hand to guide the often fickle and capricious parity marketplace? Maybe it was Amos himself, vying for title of best Lee?

Somebody in the league did this, and they had to have impressive technology to do it. Maybe someone has connections to the Russians? 

Wait, was it Aleks Ostojic!? Amos, did your girlfriend do this?

Amos Lee

Thu, 2016-12-22 11:33

This comment touches on all the important concerns one should have.

InflateGate is real.

Rob Ives

Wed, 2016-12-21 15:35

For what it's worth, his salary was right after week 6... 

Speaking of parity scandals though, what is this about you moving? Did Kindha have insider knowledge of this before offloading you for Ariel???!!!

Jason Fraser

Wed, 2016-12-21 16:15

It looks like I got a 50% bonus on my salary in week 7, no wonder Amos's team is the only one over the cap!

Justine Price

Wed, 2016-12-21 21:40

The cost of one season of Parity ultimate frisbee = $185.

The cost of seeing Rob's face as you tell him you heard Alex Bush may be moving out of town = Priceless.

Ariel Untiveros

Thu, 2016-12-22 11:23

That is all

Trevor Stocki

Wed, 2016-12-21 14:42

will there be a special edition podcast about  the Water Gate of Parity scandel?

Kevin Hughes's picture

Kevin Hughes

Wed, 2016-12-21 17:10

I'll look into those numbers at some point soon!

Amos Lee

Thu, 2016-12-22 09:12

This was obviously my strategy to introduce the new Parity mechanic, free agency, by outright removing one of my players from the roster to maintain cap compliance. Maybe later I'll go pick up someone off waivers. #97playersinparity

Kevin Hughes's picture

Kevin Hughes

Fri, 2016-12-23 14:58

All fixed!