I was confused by my new team name- Aimlessly Sullied, until it was explained to me it is AMOSlessly Sullied. I get it now. To provide further clarification, Amos shared this old home video of himself with the team.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiIesAGMPgk
Amos is every bit as cute as you'd expect and he is indeed aimlessly sullying. Go team!
Justine Price
Tue, 2017-02-14 12:18
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Aimless
Dear Chris,
1) Line crossed.
2) Please stop hanging around with Brent.
Love, Justine
Christopher Keates
Tue, 2017-02-14 12:26
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You've Sullied the forums.
Sullied.
Laura Chambers ...
Tue, 2017-02-14 13:51
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At least he...
didn't force us to watch it on a giant TV?
Amos Lee
Tue, 2017-02-14 15:08
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Yeah it's more if you say
Yeah it's more if you say "aimlessly" really fast... you can hear my name in the wind.
Also, this already proves Morgan's claim wrong from last night saying my team name sucked. Nope. It's awesome. Thanks to Sully sullying our now sullied eyes.
Morgan Howard
Tue, 2017-02-14 16:51
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Rigorous
"That thing you said is wrong" = disproved claim?
Parity team naming guidelines:
1) A well named parity team should be based on one of the following pun categories, ranked from most to least desireable.
2) A secondary pun can be chosen from this list to support the primary pun
3) The use of puns does not justify incoherent phrases.
4) Use of arbitrary punless themes is strictly forbidden
Given these guidelines, Parity team names from days past can be graded as follows:
2014 Spring
THE FRANCHISE - Was this a post-mortem team name or did Rob actually call himself this and then go undefeated? If the former then 2/10 because changing your team name after the fact is a huge faux-pas. If the latter then 8/10 for Messier-esque boldness, despite not hitting any of the pun guidelines.
Karmic Balance 8/10 - Mehmet deftly combines two puns from the primary category, using his own name in conjunction with parity's rebalancing mechanism. The whole thing comes together with a pleasing zen theme.
Team Hadrian! 4/10 - Fail. There's no pun here! Unless I'm missing something. Maybe this is some sort of protest? I'll let the fanboys weigh in.
Damage Inc. 2/10 - Rule 4 Glen. Ugh.
The Even Stephanes 6/10 - Giving Al the benefit of the doubt that his original roster had some Steve/Stephanes on it. So we've got two hits from the supporting category. Not terrible.
Statistically Deviant 5/10 - I guess this falls under the stats aspect of parity and the deviant part suggests something naughty. It doesn't come together very well though. Does James work at StatsCan? If this was a Gavin team I would bump it up a couple of points.
2014/2015 Winter
A Windmill Full of Corpses 3/10 - Obscure cultural reference. Nothing else going for it. I was young and inexperienced.
Game of Throws 6/10 - Topical Pop culture reference + general frisbee pun. This is a fine name for a summer league team. Primary pun could have been better though.
Kinha's Disappointments 7/10 - Based on a notable player on another team. Al playing on his own celebrity here, and it works.
Conflic of Interests 7/10 - Keates riffing on himself as commissioner and GM. Very league-appropos.
Huck Huck Goose 4/10 - General frisbee pun. This is especially offensive because of all the ripe Berry puns Megan could have drawn from. As now.
Karma Down Under 6/10 - See above. This references Mehmet being in Oz for the first part of the season. I like the customization but it loses the shine of the original.
Dump, Swing, Huck, Repeat 3/10 - Was this supposed to be ironic? I dunno. If I have to work to figure it out there's a problem.
Scoobers in Paris 6/10 - I never understood this reference but that's not Sina's fault. Non topical pop culture + general frisbee pun = so-so.
2015/2016
Stan's Sturgeons 4/10 - It rhymes, so sure, we'll give it to him. You can't be mad at Stan.
Katy Parity 9/10 - Yes! Seamless parity/pop culture combo. Rolls off the tongue. Top marks.
Pirate Rob's Swashbuckling Rogues 5/10 - There's probably an inside joke here that I don't know. But that's a pitfall of team names. If only half the people enjoy the name then it's only half a success.
Luke Parity 7/10 - Witty enough. I think heckling another team's name has potential but like a $15 bottle of Pinot Noir it's very risky.
Moderate Expectations 3/10 - moderate returns.
Ignominious 3/10 - No retruécano, no bueno.
Scoobers in New York 4/10 - The sequel did not improve on the original
2016/2017 Session 1
Basket of Deplorables 6/10 - Topical but otherwise uninspired.
F Bombs 5/10 - This developed over a couple of weeks so it kindof gets parity cred, plus the bombs part qualifies as a general frisbee pun. Not enough to save it though.
Hindsight Hooligans 2/10 - I don't understand this at all. What hindsight? Why hooligans? Other than arbitrarily rhyming, there is no redeeming value here. Explain yourself.
Mike and the Millburys 7/10 - I want to like this team name but the single pun doesn't quite get me there. Is Kells a huge Mike Millbury fan?
SOS - Man Overboard 2/10 - Rule 4 Proulx. :(
Kaboom 3/10 - KaBooo! Insert pun here.
Like a Boss 7/10 - Captain's name + pop phrase just past its best before date should be gold right? I feel like anything using Boss was going to be a let down though because it's so obvious.
So there you go Amos. I just don't want it to seem personal when I say your team name sucks. It's noble what you were trying for. The captain name + notable player name double pun. But you had to change the spelling of your own name to make it work and the result is an incoherent phrase.
3/10
Jon Rowe
Tue, 2017-02-14 17:57
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10/10 commitment level to the heckle
That is some historically significant, fact checked, evidence supported, and peer reviewed heckling. I award you an invisible internet trophy for your fine display.
Christopher Keates
Tue, 2017-02-14 19:32
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In Stan's defense:
In 2015/2016 Matt and I named each team to start. We chose a riff on Google's "Anonymous Antelope" animal names when looking at shared documents with people who aren't logged into Google, and we aimed for aliteration. This tied to Parity being driven by Google sheets (at the time).
Pirate Rob's Swashbuckling Rogues was also my doing. He was originally Rob's Rhinos (probably, I forget the animal, maybe it was Robins?) and Rob asked me what kind of stupid name was that? So I named him Pirate Rob's Swashbuckling Rogues and made our first team cheer "Yarr!!!"
So this either makes their dedication to the joke of greater value, or puts their laziness on display and they deserves far less than they received. I'll leave it to you to decide.
EDIT: Man, I started writing this before finishing your post. ROOKIE MISTAKE.
Morgan, Mike and the Milbury's is a riff on Mike Lee being the franchise player and Kells being a GM of a quality approximately comparable to Mike Milbury. It scores in category 1 (general league mechanics), category 2 (notable player) and serves as a self-riff.
Al's Ignominious name is actually a joke about a typo he made in Zuluru that made its way into the spreadsheet and broke the stats one week because Matt and I assumed he knew how to spell ignominious (he did not).
Morgan Howard
Tue, 2017-02-14 22:12
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Fair enough
So we'll bump Mike and the Millbury's up to an 8. I said I wanted to like it...
Ignominious can have a 4, for not being just a random word.
Sturgeons and Swashbucklers stay where they are.
Ariel Untiveros
Wed, 2017-02-15 13:57
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Scoobers in Paris
It should have a higher value than 6/10 as it falls in the topical pop culture category of Jay-Z and Kanye West's song ***** in Paris. I'd bump it up by 1.5 or 2 to make it 7.5 or 8 out of 10.
As for the sequel, well I guess Sina thought that Paris was not big enough for NY born and raised Jay-Z, so he opted for the "concrete jungle".
Alessandro Cola...
Tue, 2017-02-14 19:31
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Morgan, your rating system
Morgan, your rating system leaves something to be desired. No one is below a 2/10 or above 8/10.
Also, Ignominious came from a forum post (by Mehmet or Keates) during the first session of last season. It was so much better, I had to change it. The original was "Kindha's Ongoing Disappointments". Everyone likes callback humour: πr2/4
On the other hand, "they're good names, brent".
Morgan Howard
Tue, 2017-02-14 22:01
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I gave your wife's team name
I gave your wife's team name a 9? This is above 8, no?
My rating system is based on university english courses. The last 10% is reserved for that which is unwritten.
Alessandro Cola...
Wed, 2017-02-15 10:14
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Sorry. Literacy skills - 3/π
Sorry. Literacy skills - 3/π
Capacity to put my team on defence again. - πd/e
Amos Lee
Wed, 2017-02-15 10:25
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I hope that's a negative
I hope that's a negative because 3/π is actually 95%. So either you math skills are awful or you just can't associate a negative sign properly.
Damn it, did I just get baited into that "asian checks math" trap again?
Alessandro Cola...
Wed, 2017-02-15 12:43
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While my math skills are not
While my math skills are not as sharp as my bladey flicks, I thought we were playing by Whose Line scoring system where all my abilities are made up and the points don't matter.
Laura Chambers ...
Tue, 2017-02-14 20:49
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I want to hear...
What Morgan thinks is a 10/10.
Princess Layout? Blade-y Gaga? Hadrian's Wall of Hair-y Defense?
Examples will help me be the next best GM. (And If being a quality GM is based on team naming ability then I want to be the next Kindha.)
Amos Lee
Tue, 2017-02-14 23:46
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Morgan's rating scale is
Morgan's rating scale is based off of "I wrote many words so it is law" coupled with "any reason to hate Amos' killer team name"
Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, 0/Q. Would skip again.
But at least you managed some kind of comeback roughly 20 hours after this started on the field. Probably a #showerthought.
Justine Price
Tue, 2017-02-14 23:53
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Missed podcast opportunity
This entire thread could've been a podcast, with some guest historians, opinions and rebuttals. I call "missed opportunity" (also a good team name, but not getting more than 3/10 by Morgan's scoring system) -this team may have a good match up vs. "Mostly Useful",captained by Matthew Schijns.
Christopher Keates
Wed, 2017-02-15 07:48
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Mostlee Useful would have been a better team name
than the piss-poor showing Amos has given us.
Amos Lee
Wed, 2017-02-15 10:10
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Still better than your piss
Still better than your piss poor showing on Monday :D
Justine Price
Wed, 2017-02-15 11:25
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poor showing..?
Amos apparently revels in a two point victory. It's the little things, Amos, the little things. Good for you, sweetie. We're all very proud.
Chris Sullivan
Wed, 2017-02-15 11:49
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When Justine says "sweetie,
When Justine says "sweetie, we're all very proud", it generally means:
-she is not impressed
-yes you took out the garbage, but would replacing the bag kill you
-seething inner rage
Rob's strategy of drafting players with round 1 playoff success and keeping the FBomb core together didn't bear fruit week 1. Were players on winning season 1 teams overvalued at the draft. Was there a market inefficiency that would allow savvy GMs to find value at the bottom of the standings?
Amos Lee
Wed, 2017-02-15 14:21
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Justine, you forget that
Justine, you forget that winning by a lot in this league doesn't reward a team and least of all, its GM. So a two point victory is actually just shy of a perfect showing (a one-point winning).
And hey, I came 5th last session. I'll totally bask in the glory of taking a win from the reigning champion GM. :D
Christopher Keates
Wed, 2017-02-15 14:01
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I Googled "piss-poor" just to make sure I understood its meaning
Google says:
Thankfully, we have numbers and math to really analyze the sick burns being dropped in this thread. Let's dive in!
The average salary increase in week 1 was ~$73,000. Mine was $78,500. I am above average.
Another way to slice it: Chris Sullivan's statline (your teammate) was 0/1/3/3 on 25 touches with 1 throwaway. Mine was 1/3/0/1 on 18 touches and 1 throw away. I am approximately one Sully.
So what this shows is that I am above average, or fairly comparable to Sully. If you are willing to argue that average is piss poor, or that Sully is piss poor, I will concede your point.
Otherwise, it seems that you are on a long string of being demonstrably wrong, being mathematically QED'd by both Parity the league and Morgan the Pun Critic. I mean, your week isn't as bad Donald Trump's has been so far, but it's close.
Ariel Untiveros
Wed, 2017-02-15 14:08
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Keates, "AmosLee" throwing
Keates, "AmosLee" throwing jabs at Amos. But unlike Al's throws, he is hitting a mark.
Amos Lee
Wed, 2017-02-15 14:19
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I doubt you'd ever rate
I doubt you'd ever rate yourself anywhere near average in general disc competence. And while maybe you had a similar performance, number wise, to Sully... he still leaves with a win. Your team expected much more from you. Sully did everything he needed to for his team. There's a meaningful difference there :)
Both QEDs extended to me by overly verbose Parity pundits reek of subjective criteria and stat gathering. No thanks, I'll keep my tin foil hat on. It's way more fun that way.
Alessandro Cola...
Wed, 2017-02-15 14:30
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Wait, are we getting tin foil
Wait, are we getting tin foil hats for second session? Do we wear them over our mistaken-for-bigotted hats?Are they just for GMs or can lowly plebs get in on the action?
Amos Lee
Wed, 2017-02-15 14:32
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I'm crowdsourcing the GMs for
I'm crowdsourcing the GMs for a "Parity villain" jersey template as we speak as well. Want in? I think it'll have a troll on it.
Christopher Keates
Wed, 2017-02-15 17:43
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You need to stop being wrong. It's habit forming.
And it's a tough habit to break for you, apparently.
First, I am no longer Keates. That's Higgins. He won the title fair and square.
Second, I rate myself average or worse, all the time! Hell, I actively thing I dive in to blurst territory on occasion.
Here, look, here's mathematical proof of my average-ness. I am within two STDDEVs of the mean of the week 1 salary delta, as plotted as a histogram, so while I am above the mean I am still within the average.
Which brings us back to "piss-poor" and how you interpret that. Depending on how you define "average", I am both above it and it. Neither of which are "piss-poor" (where as 3/10 is definitely that). Which makes you wrong again.
Parity math doesn't lie, Amos! I've now shown this twice, and Morgan's rating system is unimpeachable in its quality and correctness.
This is why you will never be the best Lee.
Amos Lee
Thu, 2017-02-16 08:48
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I wouldn't bring Higgins down
I wouldn't bring Higgins down to your level like that.
Your insistence on referring to week 1 in isolation is commendable. Cute, even.
Did you just schrodinger your performance?
I've always been the best Lee. Because I shotgunned it. That's how that works. Simply more things you like to speak in ignorance of.
Christopher Keates
Thu, 2017-02-16 08:52
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Higgins is fine.
He gets to be both me and himself, which I'm sure only adds to his considerable value.
Amos Lee
Thu, 2017-02-16 09:45
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I wonder if split
I wonder if split personalities on the field could be beneficial if you could channel an O- and D- personality when appropriate. Heaven forbid they get mixed up though...
For example, on offense, I would be Owen. And then on defense, I would be Owen.
Geofford Seaborn
Thu, 2017-02-16 10:17
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Can't wait to see your beard.
Can't wait to see your beard.
Nicholas Aghajanian
Thu, 2017-02-16 11:56
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He's been growing it for
He's been growing it for weeks, haven't you noticed?
Amos Lee
Thu, 2017-02-16 13:20
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Dear diary,
Dear diary,
Day 25 and I've named my latest facial hair "Boris." He's a lively little one already surpassing his 6 siblings. I'm proud of him. But I find myself falling into the same trap as some parents do. Why can't they all be like Boris? No, I must love them all equally. They've beat the odds to be a member of this, hopefully, growing family.
But then the day will come when they must be dyed red and I know they'll never see me the same again. Facial hairs, if you're reading this. Forgive me.
Best,
Lee
Sebastien Belanger
Wed, 2017-02-15 11:58
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A better question is how much
A better question is how much dead weight needs to surround Chris, the golden boy, Sullivan to stop him from winning session 2? Based on my performance in week 1, I might be enough...
Steve Bisang
Thu, 2017-02-16 11:58
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Uhhhh
"Stan's Sturgeon's - it rhymes, so sure..."
Umm, what?
Morgan Howard
Thu, 2017-02-16 13:19
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Sorry, it's an alliteration.
Sorry, it's an alliteration. Next time I decide to waste fourty minutes of a work-day quantifying Amos' faults I'll do a more thorough proof-read.
Alessandro Cola...
Thu, 2017-02-16 13:33
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We'd all appreciate it,
We'd all appreciate it, Morgan. Thanks.
Owen Lumley
Thu, 2017-02-16 16:09
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Forty
Forty
Morgan Howard
Thu, 2017-02-16 16:25
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I don't recognize any
I don't recognize any editions of the OED subsequent to 1599.
Owen Lumley
Thu, 2017-02-16 16:34
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recognizeth
recognizeth
Alessandro Cola...
Thu, 2017-02-16 19:00
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Fun fact for those first-time
Fun fact for those first-time Parity Leaguers: Recognizeth is the name of Owen's Canterbury Tales-themed rap battle album. He throws down all your favourites, including The Nun's Priest's Tale, and The Nun's Tale (Remix).
Owen Lumley
Thu, 2017-02-16 21:14
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Bett'r
Bett'r recognizeth at which hour i seeth thee i very much wanteth thee, thee, thee
Morgan Howard
Fri, 2017-02-17 10:01
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Mo! Mo! Mo!
Mo! Mo! Mo!
Trevor Stocki
Sun, 2017-02-19 16:28
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Rick Astley?!?!?! how did I
Rick Astley?!?!?! how did I get timewarped back to the 80s!! aaah! :-)
Christopher Keates
Thu, 2017-02-16 13:51
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Well you see....
Stan is a curmudgeon. Stan = curmudgeon = rhymes with sturgeon. It's the associative property of rhyming.
Brent Burton
Tue, 2017-02-28 13:33
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I finally got through this thread.
My fav. part was the video.