A rose for Brian Perry

Jessie Robinson's picture
Submitted by Jessie Robinson on Tue, 2017-12-05 08:45

Forums:

After reading Wikipedia this morning, here is what parity feels like... A series that revolves around a single bachelor (Brian Perry) who starts with a pool of romantic interests (8 GMs) from whom the bachelor is expected to select a team. During the course of the season, the bachelor eliminates candidates, with the bachelor proposing marriage to his final selection. The participants travel to romantic and exotic time-slots for their adventures, and the conflicts in the series, both internal and external, stem from who can get Brian to sub first. Perhaps my I'm too slow on the draw, or happy with my own team, or just have an interest in finding fair subs, but my rose for Brian has never been offered.

I am totally calling out Brian Kells from last night on giving his rose to Brian Perry as his 8th man. 

The Math of adding Tim plus Logan somehow okayed Brian Perry? Although Parity subbing rules are hard to find online...I'm pretty sure finding a sub is not adding the salaries of 2 players to equal their single replacement, no matter how dreamy the Bachelor. In last night's case, Tim was replaced by Brian, as Logan did make an appearance.

$54,033 Logan Ashall (actually in attendance)

$39,144 Tim Kealey

$81,289 Brian Perry

Regardless, being notified with 12 hrs before game-time, what am I supposed to say? No, and look like a jealous contestant, pouting, becuase the bachelor took Kells' rose? I'll take my team full of hard working, iron/galaxy/masters any day.

I guess next week will have to be Katy Parity Revival-Revival-Revival week!

Laura Chambers ...

Tue, 2017-12-05 09:01

Brian Perry... the eternal sub. 

His sub stats are what keeps him motivated, Jessie. Without these, he'd be a bachelor without a reality tv show.

 

Amos Lee

Tue, 2017-12-05 09:20

I think you're right on track with the Katy Parity Revival Tour with your 1-4 record.

Jessie Robinson's picture

Jessie Robinson

Tue, 2017-12-05 09:38

The band has changed multiple times, but we still sell out domes across the East...I had the fans screaming for big bomb hucks last night but left the turnovers to my teammates. I'm letting the Colantonio/Robinson title slide. Mehmet is fighting hard to stay in the lead. #throwawaysarecool

Carrie-Anne Whyte

Tue, 2017-12-05 09:45

I think you are missing something important here Jessie. The star of the show last night wasn't BP. Rather it was the ladies: Rachel, Hannah and Dom who stole the hearts of our audiences. There isn't enough roses in the world for those ladies! :) 

Amos Lee

Tue, 2017-12-05 09:53

Well, not to take away from the ladies but Brian's sub salary is higher than both Rachel's and Dom's (individually). Hannah's gonna Hannah but Brian notched the 3rd highest salary on Stack Overflow last night. So if there's truth in the numbers (read: there probably isn't)... Brian contributed considerably to that win.

Alessandro Cola...

Tue, 2017-12-05 09:53

What did you need Brian for then? It seems like not quite a fair substitution to pick up someone worth twice the salary of the missing player. Especially as the eighth guy.

Jessie Robinson's picture

Jessie Robinson

Tue, 2017-12-05 11:15

The girls certainly brought the Fireworks last night. This post was not speaking to the outcome of the game or ignoring the Roar that came from Rachel, Hannah, Dom and you for that matter...9 goals and 8 assists, 58 completions between you (WOW!) That is Keates-post worthy. 

Brian Perry

Tue, 2017-12-05 10:33

If you'll have me....

Amos Lee

Tue, 2017-12-05 11:13


Dude... why stop there?

Jessie, Al, Keates, Kells, Mehmet, Travis, Cassie, Sully: BRIAN PERRY IS AVAILABLE NEXT WEEK.

Jessie Robinson's picture

Jessie Robinson

Tue, 2017-12-05 11:18

https://www.theurbanlist.com/content/article/the-bachelor-23.jpg

Alex Bush

Tue, 2017-12-05 11:23

https://imgur.com/a/qIsK1

 

My question is why isn't BP on the bench? I'm pretty sure I didn't call him on.

 

Brian, take one! Thanks :D

Brian Perry

Tue, 2017-12-05 12:29

Bush, I think you missed your true calling as a graphic designer

Brian Kells

Tue, 2017-12-05 11:51

Wow. Just when I was having fun playing in the league.

For context, I was missing both Logan and Tim. It turned out Logan showed up at the last minute, meaning we had 8 players. Sorry Jessie. I hope in the future you can raise these concerns with me privately.

Cory Boucher

Tue, 2017-12-05 12:22

Captains, Brian Perry will make you feel special. He will make you feel lke you are the only person in the world and with his surprisingly average looks and Oshawa charm, he will momentarily steal your heart. He will offer you everything that you thought you ever wanted. And many Captains have fallen prey to his charm. 

The problem is that he has done this before. He has charmed other Captains. The truth, dear Captains, is that you are just another notch on his growler and that, after you have let him play the game, he will string you along with promises and words. But he will never deliver. 

Please Captains, let us all say no to Brian Perry. Let us maintain our dignity and not have to sit up nights wondering if Brian is thinking about us.  

Jessie Robinson's picture

Jessie Robinson

Tue, 2017-12-05 12:41

Ooooh Kells... Brian Perry is promiscuous and likely to give off an Ultimate Transmitted Infection (UTI) if you are not using protection. I'm happy to call out Pirate for the same infraction if it will make you feel better. If there is no documentation on substitution rules, then really, are you in the wrong? #lawyered

Brian Perry

Tue, 2017-12-05 13:08

At this point most of the league has probably contracted my UTI then...

Symptoms include: Buttery Puts, Debatable Calls and Aggressive Side Line Commentary. The Occasional Goal can be expected as well…

Chris Sullivan

Tue, 2017-12-05 14:08

I would watch this show but not admit to people that I watch it.

Amos Lee

Tue, 2017-12-05 14:23

One of those shows where you walk by the living room and scoff at it and those watching. Only to check your watch 2 hours later and wonder why you're on the couch, covered by a blanket, wine in hand, and screaming at the order that the Bachelor doled out those suspiciously perfect roses?

Hadrian Mertins-Kirkwood's picture

Hadrian Mertins...

Tue, 2017-12-05 16:14

Since we live in Ottawa I assume about 43% of Parity players are policy analysts. Maybe we should put our heads together and come up with a subbing policy?

Here are my proposals...

To start with, no sub should be better than the player they're replacing. For that reason, I honestly don't think anyone in the top 10-15 salaries should be allowed to sub, regardless of who's missing. (At risk of immodesty, that's why I don't accept requests to sub... I don't think it's particularly fair.)

Subs should not be allowed unless a team is down to 2 women or 6 men. At that point, a team can get subs to bring those numbers up to 3 and 7, but not up to 4 and 8.

Where possible, subs should be requested on a rotating basis. Some people get to play a lot of extra games because other captains know who they are, but there are lots of people in this league who would love to play extra games and never get asked. The same player probably shouldn't sub more than 2 or 3 times per season.

This probably comes across as restrictive and/or harsh (and it is), but I think it's necessary to preserve the parity part of Parity. Having lots of subs - especially high-impact subs - can really mess with team balance in the long run.

Laura Chambers ...

Tue, 2017-12-05 16:24

Amazing.

Christopher Keates

Tue, 2017-12-05 16:48

We'll be having meetings to discuss how to table this before our director for initial approval, then scheduling meetings to prepare a presentation for his meeting with the ADM to seek final approval. Once we have that we will begin a process of analysis that may take a few months to resolve before we finally structure a proposed policy change that we believe will meet the stated goals you have put forward. If we get past the ADM stage we may reach out for some joint policy session round-tables seeking input.

Regards,

- Keates

Alessandro Cola...

Tue, 2017-12-05 17:19

Hadrian, I'm mostly on board with this, as it seems to echo a policy we had in place for the first few years of Parity. 

The old policy was that you could always bring in a sub of lesser salary to replace a missing player. if you were missing three guys or two women, any player was elligible, though it was preferred to be of equal or lesser salary.

I don't agree with your suggestion that the top 10-15 players shouldn't sub. I think it makes more sense to replace like for like. If you're missing your top salaried player, replace with another top salary. 

The goal of the league is fun and parity, using Parity dollars as the means of balancing, right? Why don't the GMs try to find equitable subs, which shouldn't be hard now that we have five games of data, and captain's clause any outliers?

Rob Ives

Wed, 2017-12-06 09:05

I agree with Al. We had a similar system in place that worked well for several years.

Heather Wallace

Tue, 2017-12-05 18:52

I think this is a great approach, with Al's modification. When I first started playing frisbee, I was so sad no one would ever ask me sub so I never had the chance to play more or get better. To correct this, I spent a summer playing Stella just to try to get more recognition and chances to play in rec games. Let's not force players to play comp to get more PT! Share the sub love!

Justine Price

Tue, 2017-12-05 22:09

As one of the 57% non-policy analysts in the league, I agree with Hadrian's ideas plus Al's amendments, e.g. if Higgins is absent we should be able to offer our rose to a similar salaried player to keep up our level of team play and have someone to chase after the other team's top salary player. I do like the share-the-sub idea as part of the spirit of the league. Often the same few get loads of extra games, and most people are never asked. If I was an analyst, I'd be able to give you some statistics so I'll just make some up. 11% of parity players have subbing opportunities, 85% never get asked, 4% have been asked but prefer to go home and catch the end of the Monday Night Football.

No matter what, Jessie's post is lots of fun! Hil-arious! Thanks for the chuckle, as if Mikey D's post wasn't enough.

 

 

 

 

Sebastien Belanger

Wed, 2017-12-06 09:33

If any captain is interested, I'm available to sub for Higgens or Hadrian ;-)

Chris Sullivan

Wed, 2017-12-06 12:02

Seb is away next Monday, and based on Seb's salary my choices include:

-the entire Northeast division of the AUDL

... (i just got a text from Brian Perry asking if I need a sub... i haven't even hit save yet)

- an actual bloated whale, with tank and the staff of Seaworld

- life size solid gold statue of Seb

-world peace

 

Brian Perry

Fri, 2017-12-08 16:52

I can throw flick blades too....

Jim Robinson

Wed, 2017-12-06 13:04

All of my drops and throw-aways are just trying to keep my salary down for subbing opportunities. 

We'll have to start incorporating sub stats into their overall 'sub value' so Brian Parity doesn't sandbag on his regular team just to get more sub opportunities.