Parity Recap 4 and 5: A Double Episode

Submitted by Christopher Keates on Wed, 2017-12-06 13:54

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Oh my good it's been two weeks between Parity recaps! What am I doing with my life that has me shirking my duties, you ask? Nothing. There is no good reason for my dereliction of duty and I owe you all an apology.
 
On the plus side, this post is going to be twice* as long! Is that a good thing? Maybe!
 
TWO WEEKS OF HIGHLIGHTS
 
iParty's iBounty iCharity: There's a podcast, perhaps you've heard of it? Actually, there's two. The pretender to the throne can be found here: https://www.ocua.ca/node/9837
 
The league also occasionally runs a bounty, whereby if you do something cool to contribute to the league, you can help shape the league. The current bounty can be seen here: https://www.ocua.ca/node/9841
 
The rival podcast to the 100% Authentic and Original Podcast (Podcasting Parity since 2016), is doing a pretty cool thing and offering both a.) inspiration and b.) a charity incentive. If you listen to the podcast, you'll hear mention that if you win the current bounty you will not only be able to help shape the league, but that iParty Parity Podcast Inc. will be donating money to a charity of your choosing. I've started a fund we can all donate to for this. Let's Make Parity Charitable Again! Are you a philanthropist? Click here: https://www.gofundme.com/parity-bounty-charity-campaign
 
Calahan Watch: In week 4, we finally got our first Callahan! Allan Godding feasted on an errant throw! Notably, we can't have something great happen without something bad happening (Parity maxim), and apparently Briggs on the bail tripped and rolled an ankle (thankfully he's okay). Munch munch munch goes Allan, and... that's a Callahan.  The first of the year, and it only took 4 weeks? Seriously, what is this crap? Parity needs more Callahans, the entire league is about errant throws. Get on it, people.
 
Also, just me musing here, but perhaps every Callahan should earn a bounty-like reward from the league. Kevin?!
 
Thoughts on Trades/Bountygate: CA Whyte won a bounty and then promptly used it to force me to trade Lance. This wasn't as easy as it might sound, because he's kind of expensive, but in the end Mehmet and I came to an equitable deal where I traded all of Parity league's flair for all of Parity league's hair, netting Hadrian as the return. Of course, Mehmet promptly flipped Lance to Sully for Owen 2.0 meaning the week after I traded Lance I had to play against Lance (Not me, per se, my team. I was sleeping on the couch with a man cold. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself I was good play, I just couldn't be convinced. Clearly, I am not enough of a try hard).
 
So let this be a lesson to other GMs. When you trade assets, include clauses like "do not flip to division rivals I immediately have to play" in the contract! Sully paid a princely sum for all the strategic insight and insider knowledge needed to squeeze out a 2 point win in week 5. Very sneaky, Sullivan.
 
A Rose By Any Other Name...: ... would be Brian Perry! Despite him being promised to me forever he's gallivanting around with every GM that will have him, often putting up better numbers for other teams than his own! Just unbelievable!
 
Captain Goes Down Without His Ship: In a Parity (although perhaps not naval) first we've lost Travis, pirate captain of the rudderless pirate ship. He's sustained a serious injury, and is leaving the league with perhaps the highest per point played salary in the history of Parity, at $7,510.20. He leaves the league with a triple-triple in each of two weeks played, which I'm sure was 100% sustainable for him. Now, this is all after a small sample size, but it's still noteworthy. 
 
We salute you, Pirate Travis. Your flame burned twice as bright for its briefness, and we all wish you a full recovery and speedy return to plundering the 7 seas.
 
Speaking of Outliers: Hannah Dawson in week 4 put up 6/2/5/6 and over 40 touches for $228,000 for the week. This is one of the highest performances ever in the history of Parity. It's higher than anyone else has put up this season by almost $50,000 (second place: Nick Theriault with 2/7/3/3 and $178,500). More like Hannah Dawesome.
 
Josee Goes Overboard: What a week 5! 2/4/4/2 and 24 completions with ZERO turnovers by Josee. That's $155,000 in pirate booty. Don't spend it all in one place.
 
Beardwatch: Best beards need to be resolved. Adam MacDonald, Tim Kealey and Jeff Hunt are obviously strong showers. Who else has the game? Stephen Close are you still beardy? Kevin Beardford, when will you rear your lovely face? Best beard award to be paid at end of season by me, judged by everyone! Grow that beard, win that prize.
 
STATS
 
GOALS: Your usual suspects all put up lots of goals in the last two weeks. But what about the other people? In week 4, Alix Ranger put up 5! Ken Maclean finally getting into a grove had 5. Ben Curran put up 3, and so did Edwin (who had an amazing game), Neena, Mel Jess, Simon Berry (who got no Berry), and Parity app contributor Thomas Sattolo! Week 5 your commish put up 7 and Jon Rowe had a spectacular 6. CA and Jim rockin' it with 5. Giulian put up 4 and so did Will Reid, finally rounding into form. Andre Scott, Celine, Jason Fraser, Liam, Nick Amlin and Sattolo again put up 3! That's some good scoring, people!
 
ASSISTS: Week 4, Kelsey Charie had an assist outlier game with 8. Laura Storey dropped 5, and so did Marcus (usually in the endzone). Dan Thomson (not a handler) threw 4, and so did Sherri Ross, who had herself a game. Andre Scott was chuckin' it and so was Carrie-Anne Whyte, both with 3. Week 5, Rob Ives joined the league in place of Travis and promptly put up Travis numbers (fun fact: one year Rob GM'd a team called Pirate Rob's Swashbuckling Rogues, so it's apt). Notably, Nick Theriault had 7 and almost no throwaways (someone dropped something) which is phenomenal for him. Stephanie "Verbs" Verbit had 4. 
 
D!: Week 4, the week Hannah dominated everyone, she had 6. There's a cluster of people with 3 that week, all pretty normal to see at the top of the list. Just below that at 2, Celine Dumais had a great defensive week, and so did Hughes and Jim Robinson. Obviously, Allan Godding's Callahan needs to be talked about here. Week 5 it's David "the Train" Townsend leading the way with 4. Other good performances: An Tran with 2, along with Simon Berry, Logan, Kristie Ellis and Kate Achtell. D's are hard to get, so great job!
 
PEWPEWPEW: Week 4 Al Colantonio put himself on the leaderboard with a 6 throwaway performance. Mehmet maintained dominance of said list by also having 6. Heather wallace (4th on the throwaway leaderboard) also had 6. You three are some of my favorites! PARITY! Week 5, only my dear boy Brian Perry had 6, with Cassie Berquest putting up 5. Most of the rest of you were boring (BOOOOOO!!!). Special note: John Haig watch, he was mediocrely mediocre with 4 turfs. Verbs had 4 people drop her throws.
 
BOOTIN' IT: Sometimes sure-handed people drop it in droves, or boot it by the bushel. Week 4 it was An and Rich with 3. Hadrian had 2 along with Justine, Barford, and Allan. Of note, Lance dropped a pass in the endzone in a tie game that would have secured a win, which was both his first drop of Parity and one of only 2 ties in the league so far (the stats keepers apparently didn't award it, but it happened and everyone on the field knows it). Week 5 Pindur got back into the action with 3, and Lauren Ellis (!) tied him. Brian Perry had 2, and so did Aggy, which is weird because I seem to recall him laying out to catch a blade hammer inches from the turf in week 4. Do you just need people to make it hard on you to catch it?
 
NOTABLE STATISTICAL PERFORMANCES OF THE LAST TWO WEEKS
 
  • Travis Davidson had a 5/4/2/4 triple-triple in week 4. So did Wildgen (3/4/1/3) and Pindur (3/4/3/3).
  • Rich Gregory got a Berry! So did Barf-dog, Heather Wallace, and Brian Perry.
  • Will Reid had his best night of the season with 4/0/1/0 and $50,000 in week 5.
  • Newman had a quietly perfect 2/0/1/0 with 17 completions and zero mistakes!
  • Edwin had two back to back stellar weeks (3/0/1/0 and 2/2/0/2)
  • Jeff Hunt had a solid 2/1/2/0 week 5 for one of his better performances this year.
  • Angela Mueller's week 5 looked like 2/0/4/0 but 16 of 18 throwing for a very efficient night moving the disk.
  • Michael Colantonio's week 5 was similarly stellar with but a lone blemish. 1/1/4/0 and a drop on 20 total touches. His week 4 was better, 2/2/2/0 with no throwaways. The Best Colantonio race is heating up!
  • Marcus week 5 was 2/2/2/2 and 2 throw aways. The power of 2!
  • Wowzers with the week 4 big time game, 2/3/4/0 and all the fake money you can shake a stick at.
  • Sherri Ross, week 4, 0/4/2/0 but 29 completions and only two throw aways for $99,500 of near perfection.
  • Christine Beals had a perfect 0/0/3/0 week 4 with 7 completions and no mistakes. Throw to her more, she's one safe pirate.
  • Trevor Stocki was a near perfect 0/1/2/0 with 12 for 13 throwing in week 4.
  • Patrick Kenzie's week 4 was not just near perfect, it was perfect! 1/1/2/1 and 100% throwing!
 
As always, thanks to everyone who sends me anecdotes to work into these things. I don't always include them but I do always appreciate them. Keep it up, mail me directly at my usual address (check my Zuluru profile!).
 
Also as always, big thanks to the volunteers that make this happen. We love you all.
 
Foreshadowing: are we approaching Christmas cookie season? Yes we are!
 
* I do not promise it will actually measure twice as many words or be twice as long as usual, but it will be longer.
 

Christopher Keates

Wed, 2017-12-06 15:43

BREAKING NEWS: This just in, apparently Ryan Briggs, a relative parity newcomer, was involved in a Parity learning moment this week. Someone made a reasonable catch, and Ryan Briggs made a reasonable call on the play. The sideline, as it does in Parity, immediately heckled Briggs! The fickle crowds of Parity are always about the spectacle.

Ryan Briggs, thinking the heckles were actually criticizing his call (they weren't), turned to the crowd and saluted them with the universal signal to go pound sand.

The crowd's response? More heckling! This time the heckles were about how in Parity you're going to get heckled, especially about things that might be technically correct (which is the worst kind of correct in Parity). See: Kindha's worst call ever on Justine's 100% in bounds and caught throw around a light post that I will never acknowledge as anything other than a goal.

So the teachable moment is multi-faceted. 1: Parity sidelines are mercurial and loud and will heckle anything and everything and you probably shouldn't take it (too) seriously. 2: Parity sidelines need to carefully consider the thin line between friendly jokes and hazing, because one is the goal and the other is frowned upon. 3: Being heckled is a right of passage for all parity-ers.

Sebastien Belanger

Wed, 2017-12-06 15:55

WTH! There's a line? Gee... I guess I should apologize to Liam and his girlfriend. Thanks for the info Keates, I'll try and be less like Amos in the future.

Amos Lee

Wed, 2017-12-06 16:14

I once said something nice (I know, hard to believe) towards Ben Piper from the sideline. But since I typically never say anything nice, he immediately flipped me a figurative bird. That also resulted in more heckling.

And if I can chase an opponent around the field chanting "Shut down defense", regardless of the veracity of that statement, without recourse (except being scored on)... And if I can scream at a person I traded that week reminding them on every bad play they make in a span of 15 minutes (somehow I think it was 7 bad things) without recourse (except that he's blocked my existence from his mind in favour of a more respectful Asian)... then I'm guessing Seb's comments are probably considered tame.

#chirpmore #chirpharder #makeparitygreatagainagain

Christopher Keates

Wed, 2017-12-06 16:21

... treated my GoFundMe as a swear jar for chirps, we'd have a lot more money to donate to a presumably worthy cause #holidayparityphilanthropy

Ryan Briggs

Thu, 2017-12-07 09:07

I will have to plead ignorance in this instance, as this was my first full game of parity ever. 

I had just gotten a poach end zone sky D (somehow marked as a Martin throw away, thanks Seb).  As someone known for his aerial prowess, I was not fired up at all...

As I am more known for, I promptly boosted a stall 2 full field bomb, which wound up open instead of breakside and D-ed. My arm was hit during release and before the disc had travelled half the field, an uncontested foul was agreed.

The heckle was a resounding full bench (perhaps both teams?) deep-diaphragm supported "BOOOOOOOO!".  I had heard of the legendary Parity heckles and hoped the response was conforming to the social norms. My retaliatory double salute wasn't meant to be taken too seriously. Our spirit score would indicate othewise.

Thankfully, I was unshaken and channeled the heckle to complete the (undocumented) double-happiness.

However, as a team player, I am doubly-happy to be unpaid for a block, and help keep us closer to the salary cap. As it stands, I have been on more team rosters than have games played for my career in this league.

Reference: Game: 119, Point: 20

 

Christopher Keates

Wed, 2017-12-06 16:46

BREAKING NEWS: There was a greatest! Jamie Wildgen, who is apparently ageless, went up and out of bounds to save a disk! Not only did he successfully catch the disk and throw the disk legally from mid-air, he threw it to a receiver. Trevor Stocki was alone in the middle of the field awaiting just such an attempt, and calmly caught the disk and swung it.

Justine at the sight: "You both looked so casual doing it! 'Yea, no big deal.'"

You guys are just the greatest.

Sebastien Belanger

Thu, 2017-12-07 15:36

Missing from this week's recap are two stunning collisions with similar outcomes. Justine Price attempted to throw around lighting infrastructure again this week but when the frisbee hit the metal apparatus, it came to a violent stop and collapsed on the ground (the lights didn't seem to notice). This is very similar to what happened to Al when he collided with me on the field during a errant switch / pick play. Don't worry though, the frisbee seemed to be OK.

Simon Berry

Thu, 2017-12-07 15:51

Said impact of Seb and Al made a sound that can only be compared to a hammer hitting a side of beef. Much like you hear in sports where contact is expected like hockey or football

Kelsey Charie

Thu, 2017-12-07 16:02

What about the anomaly of the tallest player in the league only scoring a single goal in week 5 and thereby handing over the top spot on the goals leaderboard to the shortest player in the league?

Just goes to show that its not the size that counts:P