The Match-up Mix-up Showdown

What if my match-up is Brian vs his primary matchup in every game he plays next week? Does that mean 4 players get traded to his team and he has to be quartered and sent to the 4 teams? If so, bet on his right arm quarter. It's the key to his success. #forcebackhand

While I know Keates is immune this week I think everyone will be watching to see whether this matchup goes down.

Brian Perry (S) vs Brian Perry

With Brian Perry (S) having made 4 out of 5 appearances and toting a salary of just $435 more than regular Brian Perry, I know Brian Perry (S) is going to be eager to get back in the game and show the world who's the better Perry.

Of course, the big question on everyone's lips is "Will Brian Perry (S) even get to see the field?" He certainly has come a long way since his first week where he showed everyone just how low the bar could go with a salary of 40k (the worst of all Brian Perry's). Since then though he's come back with a vengeance beating regular Brain Perry by 60 and 40k in two back to back weeks. I imagine Brian Perry (S) felt bad for putting regular Brian Perry to shame and decided to take a night off last night while coming in a whopping 66k under regular Brain Perry putting the two of them back into a dead heat. 

Going into the coming week there are certainly a lot of factors to consider.. Will Brian Perry get to sub? Will he be replacing someone fair? Will the opposing GM let him sub? Will his own GM let him sub? (Keates I'd look at this if I were you) It may be shocking to hear this but in every case of Perry on Perry action the winner of the self fought battle is always the one who plays the first game. Mind blown!

With the schedule locked in this week with Huck and Hope facing off against Pirateless Rudderships in the late late slot, and Jessie's team with the primetime slot and teeming with players around the 40k mark just ready to make a fair substitution (What about the rules you say??? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl0hMfqNQ-g) it would seem everything is in place for Brian Perry (S) to take the title of #1 Perry. 

It all comes down to that unyielding question.. “Will he get to play??” because as impossible as it may seem, it would be highly unlikely for a regular Brian Perry to lose to a Brian Perry (S) with a stats score of zero. That is unless for some reason they both decide to join Travis on the sideline drinking beer.

Posted twice by accident. OCUA wont let my delete the comment though so i just changed it to this.

Where's that Github page where I can make requests for people to fix things?

The GeeGees are really consuming too much forum time today.

To that I say: GO RAVENS. #hadrianshouldalsopost

Dammit, I missed my opportunity. I wanted to submit "Hannah Dawson vs. Alisha Zhao". Now, there's a match up we've all been waiting for. No one wants to cover either of these speedsters and I'm sure there was a sigh of relief in the Parity community of women that we all had the night off and they could just play against each other. To be honest, I have not checked their stats from the game and don't know how often they matched up during the game (when I was gleefully watching, they were on each other and it was awesome. So while I missed the deadline, shout out to what may have been the best, most anticipated match up of the season so far. 

Last game we saw Sherri vs mamma J. That was amazeballs. It was a battle of the six-pack abs and glorious arm muscles. Great performance by both these ladies.

1) Did this competition close after last week's games? I don't think there was a Brian Perry vs Brian Perry (s) match up.

2) Or, is it still open for the upcoming game?

3) If it's still open, are all the trades finalized and Zuluru up to date, so I can peruse match ups and get posting my predictions?

Anyone who spent time playing a team sport in highschool has probably been told at some point (most likely after they let a player blow by them to score) that offence sells tickets and defence wins games. But does it?

The trade I propose sets the highest male goal scorer, Jim Robinson, against the male leader in D-blocks, Kelsey Charie. Notably (and tangentally) both the goals and d-blocks categories are lead by women (Katie and Hannah), but since one of them is a GM we can't force that swap.

Really, this match up is about so much more than if scoring goals is more valuable than getting Ds. It is for every D-line player who has to slog out to the line  and grind for four minutes against a six-foot-three twenty-two year old after their O-line striker jogged for a bomb down-wind. It is for every O-line handler who throws a beautiful inside break to an under cut in the centre of the field, only to have their reciever trip, forcing the turn and for the thrower to hustle in full panic mode to defend the end zone against two striking oponents. It's for every short, hobbit-footed defender who has to pray the disc gets picked up by wind and soars out the back of the endzone, as that is the only chance they have not to get scored on by the 6" + dude striking up the line with gusto. And for every long and lanky goal scorer who watches in dismay as their handler under throws them and a short, quick dude with a chip on his shoulder lays out gratutitously to make sure he gets the D on his stat line.

And mostly, it's for me. Do I really have to play defence, or can I phone it in knowing that as long as my tall husband continues to catch my ill-advised hammers to the end zone my odds of securing the W are still pretty good? The outcome of Monday's match up should answer that question definitively. I know what answer I'm hoping for.

(Also Pirateless Ruddership is playing too well and has way too much team chemistry. It's time someone effed that up.)

Although I would generally agree that with the Offense versus Defense premise of Heather’s post I would argue that this matchup has already been played. For those who aren’t spending their free time between surgeries closely watching the stat line, the current male leader in goals in Parity should be Martin Cloake who is trailing Jim Robinson by 2 goals. Martin currently does not hold the goal leader title since he has selfishly decided to have a life outside of ultimate and has missed two games this season. In week 5 there was a Charie vs Cloake matchup which resulted in a modest 11 point victory for Charie and team defense.

Parity is a co-ed league and we often put a lot of emphasis on the guys. We propose to watch their matchups, we force trade them, we waiver them, the GMs argue we don’t waiver them, we give them roses to sub on our team, but what about the women! Katie is leading the league in scores, Josee is leading the league in second assists, Hannah is leading the league in Ds and Dom Rioux is leading the league in drops! They are clearly awesome and these women matchups matter so much we held separate drafts for each gender. This is why I am proposing that we need to watch these women matchups.

In the upcoming match of Menace vs Huck and Hope Handler Academy, I will be watching Kristie Ellis compete against Heather Wallace. They have very similar numbers throughout the first 7 weeks with Heather gaining a few more assists, goals and turnovers. Heather is a very confident handler who is often stricken with endzone eyes which can be perilous when surrounded by constant receiver error. Seriously… how did they not see that the hammer was coming? It seems that her receivers have finally decided to keep their eyes on the sky as Menace has found their stride winning their last two games with Heather getting 9 assists on 32 completions and only 3 turnovers. Kristie is a strong overall player who has been battling for stats being surrounded by stat happy men. Kristie has been able to do something that Heather could not, she sunk a Pirateship. I was helpless on the sidelines as I bore witness to her greatness in week 6 as she dominated with her hot buttery puts and she was moving so fast she was but a blur on the field (my recollection may be a tad hazy since I was on painkillers). Similar to Menace, Huck and Hope Handlers are also on a 2 game winning streak, with Kristie set to take a larger role in the upcoming game with the departure of Brian Perry.  

As former GM of the Pirateless Ruddership team, I have brokered many trades this season. In total, I have exchanged 8 male players and 4 female players. This is a number of interest since I have voluntarily traded exactly 4 more female players than Mehmet has. In fact, to my knowledge, all voluntary trades of women has involved my team. I feel that this league needs more shake ups among the female matchups, so let's use this mixup matchup to kick off the new year with new trades. I say that instead of comparing men’s scoring ability and their huge Ds for the hundredth time, let's breathe some new life into this league and get some excitement going with some strong female on female action.

https://vimeo.com/249256830

Universe point - Mark Lloyd getting scored 
https://youtu.be/S2st1A8Ai-w?t=292

It seems that I must call upon my "Doctor Chris Tran" HOF award winning creative writing skills to defend my spot on the Pirateless Rudderships. For those unaware, (I've heard the podcast is now up to a total of four listeners. Congrats!) a few weeks back I had the joy of winning a made up contest run by the 2 best podcasters we know and love, where I won a prize(a 4D puzzle) for the best post of the week. In true Keates fashion you can find the link to the podcast here: https://www.ocua.ca/node/9837 and the picture of the fully assembled 4D puzzle here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1vO1ZIgwqYaFheAejrxwmnOJXgjv-lFJl/view?u... Heads up to future HOF awards winners: the puzzle was actually missing 2 pieces, but Justine and Sully compensated by adding in some lego bits, a plastic sword, a bread clip, and hair band. Justine and/or Sully, you guys can let me know if you need any of those back, I imagine your bread is probably going stale by this point.

Enough of the old contest and onto the current one.

While offence vs defence is exciting and gender equality is important, what is it that the fans really want to see? What will surely sell out the sidelines on a monday night? What will fans brave the frigid cold to come out and spectate? Only the biggest of showdowns! Only the bloatiest of showdowns!!! It is of course WHO will be the biggest bloatiest whale of all time!!!

Let me introduce our contenders...

In the blue corner of the great big sea we have the man that started it all, the Original Gangster of bloated whales, weighing in with an average pay of 112k over the span of 6 games... SEB BELANGER!!!

Now in the other blue corner we have the new-comer, the player thats turning heads, the one that in just 3 short weeks has taken the top spot of most paid player, weighing in with an average pay of 138k per game.... ROB IVES!!!!

Yes, these condenders have been swimming around and towards each other ever since Rob Ives made a big splash in his first week of Parity. Seb has so shocked that another whale had entered the sea that he immediately called him out on it and added Rob to the very top of his Bloated Whales list. Seb must have been confident that Rob's good fortune wouldn't last and that his bloaty salary would soon drop, but here we are, weeks later with the stage set for the biggest matchup Parity has ever seen. In just a little over one weeks time, one of these Bigfish will take home the title of the Bloatiest Whale while the other will be left behind washed up on some desolate beach.

With the showdown so close we have so little time to prepare and analyze. What do we even have to look forward to? Upon the thought of a whale showdown my brain immediately races to the idea of a whale mating ritual where two males compete to prove to the female which whale can jump the highest, dive the deepest, and be the best protector. I can therefore assume that this will be exactly what we have to look forward to as each contender tries to prove which of them can sky defenders in the endzone, layout for trailing frisbees, and defend the endzone from any would be goal scorers. The big one, and where I think we will really see the tails splashing is the endzone defence. Seeing as both whales have made their name on making assists, it will be interesting to see how each of them try to stop their opponent from connecting passes into the endzone.

Rob's past gameplay suggests that he prefers battling head on while playing hard tight defense which I imagine he will use by marking Seb directly and hindering him from touching the disc, thus making his salary plumet. This could also factor into Rob's strategy as Seb is currently averaging 26 completions per game, third highest in the league, just behind Hannah Dawson and waaay behind Spearin. Of course if Rob can cut down on those numbers and slash that bloated salary he would all but clinch the championship title. I can guarantee Seb won't be a willing a participant though, and I've observed a much different play style from him. Seb seems to prefer a poachy style of defense where he will linger out of sight until you've thrown a lofty break to what was once an open teammate only for it to be snatched out of the air by Seb while he simultaneously hands you a hefty loss in salary in the form of a throwaway. Will Rob fall for the endzone poach though? Only time will tell.

In a lot of ways you could compare the two players to a specific type of whale. For example, if Rob is playing tight defence, then he is relying on his team just like a pod of Beluga whales hunt and migrate together. Meanwhile Seb is hunting alone out in the vast vast ocean of poachiness which is similar to that of the great blue whale which are solitary animals, relying on their shear size to deter any predatory attacks.

So there you have it. The True Mixup Matchup of the year. Come watch as these two hoarders of salary duke it out for every last penny. Who will win? The newcomer Beluga or the veteran Blue Whale? Or will there be another contender who rises from the depths of the sea? As Star Wars says... "There's always a bigger fish."

My attempt at shoppin' execpt I used paint...

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1vm5Yys6vzuYnn7tBt3-JHIGdVUaz38pk/view?u...

Damn Kelsey, now you got me thinking about whale mating rituals at 9 in the morning! Bahhahahah hilarious post! Boys, looking forward to the showdown! So much to learn from you two!

So, I purposefully didn't post anything on this thread so that I wouldn't be targeted but then Kelsey, in an act of self defense (i.e. didn't want to be traded), goes on a full frontal assault and comes up with some very impressive and creative content for the entertainment of the people (including my wife and kids). I can't blame him really but since I was in Cuba, I was unable to employ a similar tactic which made me a "sitting whale" apparently. Rob's fancy use of a word I had to look up, which means the fear of whales, ironically, was incorrect #fakenews since I did not "request" anything. I suspect that Keates alternative proposal, other than being funny and accurate, was also schedully correct in that Newman and I are going to play each other this week.

While I'm a bit sad that I won't be able to play with my summer teammates anymore, I look forward to crushing them this week with the most poachy, backhandy, whalish plays of the season.

To paraphrase Mark Twain...The reports of my flick are greatly exaggerated! 

So apparently lots of things have happened over the Christmas break. I step away from parity for one week and all manner of shenanigans take place...lesson learned, never step away from parity...EVER!

So I'd like to take this opportunity to respond to the allegations against me:

First off, in these times of fake news, memes and viral videos it's so easy for an upstart with a keyboard to make up stories just to get 'likes'. Christopher Keates, so eloquent, so witty, and so full of hyperbole.  In order to determine if someone is spreading fake news, it's important to ask yourself if you can trust the source. 

 Exhibit A) Any parity recap by Mr. Keates your honour. Those made up statistics, flowery language, humour and puns meant to obfuscate and confuse, hidden messages in his writing. Can anything this man says be believed?  I think not! 

Second, I'm not entirely sure where the notoriety regarding my forehand has come from, but like other great urban legends, the telling and retelling, like a giant game of telephone has elevated my flick to higher and higher speeds. I do acknowledge I can put a lot of zip on the ole forehand, however, in these times of fake news, it is important to ensure accuracy, so I'd like to clear up some rumours and separate fact from flicktion.

Rumour 1. Dan Thomson used to have normal length arms before having to catch my flicks.  This is patently false. Dan "T. Rex" Thomson has always been "reach challenged". 

Rumour 2. One of my flicks was clocked at 123 kph. This is almost laughable in it's exaggeration. It was only 106 kph, and there was a tail wind. 

Rumour 3.  I once broke someone's hand/sternum/femur/decapitated someone etc. To my knowledge I have never caused permanent harm or injury to an ultimate player with my flick. I believe this rumour started in Winnipeg several years ago when a girl on my team sustained a broken leg mid-game. Yes I was on the field, but I didn't have the disc, and a male defender from the opposing team made a very aggressive play that resulted in him knocking over his own player and then landing on my teammate, thus breaking her leg. (true story). 

Rumour 4. I've broken/damaged/destroyed buildings, cars, holes in domes etc.  Also not true, although I think it'd be cool to do a form of skeet shooting with discs instead of guns. 

Rumour 5. I only throw flicks because I don't know how to throw a backhand. Nope, I actually have a solid backhand that I use on a regular basis...not as often as a flick, but I can't control which way the mark sets. I mean, I get why you would want force Seb to throw forehand but not sure why people force me that way. Plus, a quick release flick to break the mark for a score in the endzone is just so satisfying

If you have any other questions or concerns, or would like to clear up any other rumours, please let me know. 

Only commenting to show my appreciation for the creative compositions and whimsical wordplay on display in this thread. Keep making Parity great, everyone!

Since I was traded as a result of this "anticipated" match-up, I think it's only fair to give the people what they "asked for" and recap yesterday's whale of a collision of frisbee talent.

Goals: Seb 1, Newman 0

Assists: Seb 6, Newman 4

D-Blocks: Seb 0, Newman 0

Catches: Seb 17, Newman 11

Completions: Seb 25, Newman 15

Throwaways: Seb /Newman 1

Threw Drops: Seb 1, Newman 0

Drops: Seb 0*, Newman 0 (*on the first play of the game we were on the wrong rosters and I had a drop that did not get recorded)

Pay: Seb $136,500, Newman $61,000

Final Score: Seb's team 20, Newman's team 17

While it may look like I had a better game, many of my completed throws were some of the ugliest blades I've ever seen. I even threw a backhand blade to Higgens for a point that even horrified me in it's crimes against aerodynamics. While most of them were completed, Newman's game is much prettier and he should be awarded style points which is not currently available to stat keepers but I beleive it's being worked on. 

Pretty sure that is the first and last time in my life the word 'style' was applied to me in some way. You clearly didnt' see me in highschool...or yesterday. Anyway . Round 1 clearly goes to Seb.  Well played.

I feel better prepared for this post after watching Alex's video (thanks Bush)... F Newman, walking around with your fancy flick and you're slightly larger family. Not to mention his fresh eggs, is there anything you can't do? Screw that guy, and his superiority complex always looking down from his slightly taller perch whenever I see him. Would it kill you to slump a bit in my presence? I'm happy that I'm statistically superior at indoor frisbee than you, you'll never be able to take that away from me (unless we play against each other again in which case please disregard this statement). Finally, try not to be such a nice guy all the time, it makes the rest of us parity trolls look bad.

Just lulling you into a false sense of security so I can change rumour 3 from flicktion to fact, keep your head up Seb!

I don't know if it'll be the best match-up next week, but I'm personally excited for a showdown with Brian Perry.

Mr. Bachelor currently leads the league with 59 scores overall to my 58 (we combined for 11 goals and 10 assists in week 8, which opened up a gap on 3rd), so the "regular season" points leader may very well be crowned in the 7:00pm game.

Check out them head-to-head stats: https://www.dropbox.com/s/w40ojn2f0moe8sp/BP-HMK-ParityStats-2017Week8.p...